but today, while in the shower [odd, I know] I decided that I need to write more. This blog is what helped me get some, if not all, of my thoughts out.
So, starting January 1st, I plan on writing everyday. Now, things tend to get crazy so every now and then I may have to combine days or something, but I PLAN on writing everyday.
Enjoy.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Jack and Jill went up the hill...
...to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown.
Then I killed Jill because Jack is mine.
And THAT'S what's up.
:D
lol.
Kso.
What's going on in the wonderful world of Lynsey?
Let's start with Jack.
He's pretty much the sweetest guy I've ever met in my life. He's perfection all bottled up in a shell of amazing. He says/does things that make me smile my little head off. It's crazy because we just made it official on the 19th which was just a day off of the last day of the quarter. So now, I'm forced to spend the next 42 days away from him. Which sucks. I miss him so much already. Him, John, and Molly. It's really quite amazing how close I've grown to people in just a few short weeks. And what's really crazy, is that I may not be able to come back. I may have jeopardized my academic standing at SCAD. But, if that's true- I'll transfer to Savannah State, take like Math and all my gen. ed classes get my G.P.A skyrocketing, then apply back at SCAD. Savannah State is just a few blocks from the freshman dorms so I wouldn't be too far away. Or something. I dunno. I'll probably just move in with my aunt in Savannah, get a job, make money, do shows outside of SCAD, work my ass off, get an apartment or something down here and then apply at Savannah State next year. All I know, is that I love it here and don't want to leave. The people, the places, everything pleases me.
But, for once in my life, I'm letting things just go their course and adjusting to that.
That is all.
Peace, love, and hope.
Jack fell down and broke his crown.
Then I killed Jill because Jack is mine.
And THAT'S what's up.
:D
lol.
Kso.
What's going on in the wonderful world of Lynsey?
Let's start with Jack.
He's pretty much the sweetest guy I've ever met in my life. He's perfection all bottled up in a shell of amazing. He says/does things that make me smile my little head off. It's crazy because we just made it official on the 19th which was just a day off of the last day of the quarter. So now, I'm forced to spend the next 42 days away from him. Which sucks. I miss him so much already. Him, John, and Molly. It's really quite amazing how close I've grown to people in just a few short weeks. And what's really crazy, is that I may not be able to come back. I may have jeopardized my academic standing at SCAD. But, if that's true- I'll transfer to Savannah State, take like Math and all my gen. ed classes get my G.P.A skyrocketing, then apply back at SCAD. Savannah State is just a few blocks from the freshman dorms so I wouldn't be too far away. Or something. I dunno. I'll probably just move in with my aunt in Savannah, get a job, make money, do shows outside of SCAD, work my ass off, get an apartment or something down here and then apply at Savannah State next year. All I know, is that I love it here and don't want to leave. The people, the places, everything pleases me.
But, for once in my life, I'm letting things just go their course and adjusting to that.
That is all.
Peace, love, and hope.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Can I please...
Just tell you about how right this feels.
Just tell you how I hope I can stay.
You know that point in your life where if you could you'd step out of who you are and see yourself interacting with the others around you? I hit that point tonight.
To be able to see myself standing there talking to him would've been amazing, but would I have changed anything? Why is that always my question? Why am I always about changing things? I should be happy with the status quo with the way things are but for some reason there is always this part of me screaming for more.
Is it possible for things in your life to be as comfortable as the keys under your fingers as you type. I mean, look at me, I can type any word you want without looking and yet I have to stare someone dead in the eye just to search for an inch of truth. Does that comfortably exist?
[[edit]]
I am amazed at how well he handles everything.
I am amazed at how close I feel.
I am amazed by the words he speaks.
I am amazed by his presence.
Simply; I am amazed.
If only I could see a shooting star, I'd wish for so much right now.
But for now, I'll just sit here and wait until tomorrow night, hoping everything works out.
Peace, love, and Screaming Infidelities.
Just tell you how I hope I can stay.
You know that point in your life where if you could you'd step out of who you are and see yourself interacting with the others around you? I hit that point tonight.
To be able to see myself standing there talking to him would've been amazing, but would I have changed anything? Why is that always my question? Why am I always about changing things? I should be happy with the status quo with the way things are but for some reason there is always this part of me screaming for more.
Is it possible for things in your life to be as comfortable as the keys under your fingers as you type. I mean, look at me, I can type any word you want without looking and yet I have to stare someone dead in the eye just to search for an inch of truth. Does that comfortably exist?
[[edit]]
I am amazed at how well he handles everything.
I am amazed at how close I feel.
I am amazed by the words he speaks.
I am amazed by his presence.
Simply; I am amazed.
If only I could see a shooting star, I'd wish for so much right now.
But for now, I'll just sit here and wait until tomorrow night, hoping everything works out.
Peace, love, and Screaming Infidelities.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
You know what?
Fuck you Amanda Hanlon.
You and your fucking "grading" system ain't gonna get me down.
Enough of that.
Finals are here, pouring upon me.
My birthday is on Friday.
:D
Cobra Starship. AHHHH.
Conor Obrust...AHHHHH!
This is going to be a good weekend!
Tomorrow is devoted to homework and an audition for a movie. Wonder Women. Effin A!
For now, I clean like hell.
Peace, love, and Soap Scum.
You and your fucking "grading" system ain't gonna get me down.
Enough of that.
Finals are here, pouring upon me.
My birthday is on Friday.
:D
Cobra Starship. AHHHH.
Conor Obrust...AHHHHH!
This is going to be a good weekend!
Tomorrow is devoted to homework and an audition for a movie. Wonder Women. Effin A!
For now, I clean like hell.
Peace, love, and Soap Scum.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Right now, na, na, na.
How can it be the someone that you've never met, someone that doesn't even know you, can sing the words your heart screams.
Just a thought.
Peace, love, and GO TO SLEEP!
Just a thought.
Peace, love, and GO TO SLEEP!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Seriously, SERIOUSLY?!!!
I am officially at the point of; if she does another thing to piss me off, I'm going off on her. I have held my tongue for far too long. This morning...her underwear, along with her towels are hanging on the shower. We have hooks on the back of the door for the towels- and the underwear, well that's just trashy. UGH. I just seriously cannot wait to go home, be in my own bed, my own room, and more importantly away from her shit.
Now on to the reason why most of you come here anyway, the boys- the drama- the fun stuff.
So, I think it's finally sunk in the Richard is really gone. I thought I'd be all sad and messed up about this, but I'm not. I mean, yeah, I can definitely tell something is missing but it doesn't hurt, it just feels neutral I guess. Part of me just wants to call him to hear his voice just to see if there's any difference in it. If he sounds happy I'll know he's better off without me around. If he doesn't I'll feel crappy. So, I won't. I'll just let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be, whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
ha.
But, on a better note.
Thursday night, I went to this Dance Dance Fever dance thing over at O-House with Ben.
...Ben.
BEN.
Has it sunk in yet?
BEN.
Ben.
Benjamin.
Alright, I think y'all got it. Anywho, I can't say much because he randomly reads these things. But let me just say it felt like everything was right. Like, I can't explain what I feel when I am with Ben, but it's not normal. I smile more when I am with him, it's like everything that was wrong is finally right when he's around. Being in his arms is so comfortable. I know now that I screwed up by letting him get away. I should've dropped everything for him. But I didn't, and I made the wrong choice- now I am forced to suffer from the consequences.
Halloween was pretty cool.
Molly and I spent like 8 hours on BlogTV, then John came in my room completely trashed and his chin was bleeding so I took him to Molly's room so we could fix him, then he passed out on her bed, then woke up and threw up everywhere. It was funny.
I don't even remember what I did all day yesterday, but I do know most of it was devoted to sleep and Ben. :D
Today, Molly's BFF's from back home came to visit so we showed them all around Savannah and the campus and such. It was fun.
Then, I went and got some milk and the expiration date on it is: November 14th, 2008. :D!!
It's soooooo close!!!
Also, I got my tickets for the concert in the mail on Saturday! They are so pretty. I kissed them when I got it open. haha. I can't wait.
Alright, I think that's it.
Wish me luck in the whole not killing Kelsi thing.
Peace, love, and Hatablockas.
Now on to the reason why most of you come here anyway, the boys- the drama- the fun stuff.
So, I think it's finally sunk in the Richard is really gone. I thought I'd be all sad and messed up about this, but I'm not. I mean, yeah, I can definitely tell something is missing but it doesn't hurt, it just feels neutral I guess. Part of me just wants to call him to hear his voice just to see if there's any difference in it. If he sounds happy I'll know he's better off without me around. If he doesn't I'll feel crappy. So, I won't. I'll just let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be, whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
ha.
But, on a better note.
Thursday night, I went to this Dance Dance Fever dance thing over at O-House with Ben.
...Ben.
BEN.
Has it sunk in yet?
BEN.
Ben.
Benjamin.
Alright, I think y'all got it. Anywho, I can't say much because he randomly reads these things. But let me just say it felt like everything was right. Like, I can't explain what I feel when I am with Ben, but it's not normal. I smile more when I am with him, it's like everything that was wrong is finally right when he's around. Being in his arms is so comfortable. I know now that I screwed up by letting him get away. I should've dropped everything for him. But I didn't, and I made the wrong choice- now I am forced to suffer from the consequences.
Halloween was pretty cool.
Molly and I spent like 8 hours on BlogTV, then John came in my room completely trashed and his chin was bleeding so I took him to Molly's room so we could fix him, then he passed out on her bed, then woke up and threw up everywhere. It was funny.
I don't even remember what I did all day yesterday, but I do know most of it was devoted to sleep and Ben. :D
Today, Molly's BFF's from back home came to visit so we showed them all around Savannah and the campus and such. It was fun.
Then, I went and got some milk and the expiration date on it is: November 14th, 2008. :D!!
It's soooooo close!!!
Also, I got my tickets for the concert in the mail on Saturday! They are so pretty. I kissed them when I got it open. haha. I can't wait.
Alright, I think that's it.
Wish me luck in the whole not killing Kelsi thing.
Peace, love, and Hatablockas.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I'm not British!
It's funny how the world works. How you can be talking to a stranger one minute, then the next you're helping that stranger bring your friend down the stairs on a stretcher.
So, gather 'round kiddies, it's story time.
Last night, before drawing class, I went and sat outside because the less time spent with Madme Maxine, the best. [Be tee dubs; Madame Maxine is Professor Bruzenak my Drawing I teacher who happens to look like the Headmistress from Beauxbaxons Academy in Harry Potter...I know, I'm lame.] So, I'm sitting at the smokers table in the freezing cold, eating my cosmo brownie and drinking my Blue Madness Naked juice and this guy comes a sits down and we start talking. He lit up a cigeratte, I told him he was going to die. He started laughing and said, "Well, if you see an Ambulance come here, you know they're coming for me." [IRONY is a bitch.] So, he's like mind if I walk you to class and I'm like, yeah sure-- let's do it. So, we find out his class is right next door to mine, so we part ways and I go sit down at my Easel and wait for Chloe and Ben to show up. Well, Ben texted me and was like- "Stuck at O-house, stupid bus driver made me get off the bus." So I told Madame Maxine and she was okay with it, then she started taking roll. Well, Chloe texted me from right next to me and was like, "It is bad when you're sitting and get dizzy?" And I was like um, yeah. So, the class goes on and Chloe told Madame Maxine she wasn't feeling well so she let Chloe sit out on the critique. So, we all go sit by our projects and blah, blah, blah. Then Chole stands up to go get water, takes two steps, passes out and falls flat on her face. So-- Madame Maxine runs over to her and is like, "Oh...wow...well-- no one touch her." Then runs out of the room...so everyone is standing around starring at her, and I break into survival mode, haha.
I tell everyone to back up, and start giving orders. I told everyone to get everything out from around her because there needs to be room for the EMT's, then I told them to clear a path from the door to her. I rolled her over on her back, asked for someone to give me their sweatshirt to put under her head to lift her neck. Got someone to lift her feet to help circulate the blood, around this time she started to come back to. So, I started asking her questions so she wouldn't fall asleep. I got someone to get a wet towel to put on her head. [Everyone was making jokes like, "I know who I want to be around if I pass out!"] So... I start asking her if shes allergic to anything, if she has insurance, what her social is, and other related things that EMT's usually ask. So, I call her Mom, get all the policy info, tell her what happened, get everything straight with her then start asking Chloe what hurts. I started with her feet and moved up to her head. She wasn't studdering or anything speech wise. Madme Maxine eventually runs back into the room, and is like, "The Ambulance is on the way... Oh, looks like you've got everything handled..." Then walks out to talk to the other professors about how no one knows the proceedure of what to do if that happens... UGH, I feel safe.
I keep Chloe talking and laughing and get her a jacket because she said she was cold and her fingertips were freezing, so I told her to start moving her fingers and to keep wiggling them to keep the blood flowing through there and I told her if she could keep moving she wouldn't have to talk. So, she did that.
A few minutes later, a SCAD Security Lady came in and started asking me questions about her, about this time, the EMT's showed up so I met them downstairs and as we were running up I was telling them everything that happened, and what condition she was in. The were shocked that I knew so much. Because I am THAT good.
So, they get in- do the blood sugar and blah, blah, blah. Then go get a strecher and board to lay her on. They get her all strapped in and realize there isn't an elevator...so it was, Me, the two EMT's, and the boy I met earlier carrying her in a strecher down the stairs. I look over at him and say, "Must be your lucky day, God missed." He just smiled.
So, they put her in the Ambulance and I went with because I had all her info and such...and I got out of class for free. Plus her mom told me to.
So I called/texted everyone that needed to be informed. Her boyfriend, her roomate, and Ben. haha. He's important. He started freaking out.
Well, to make a long story short, they checked her out, did a cat scan, gave her morphine and headache meds then told her to go home.
I missed the GREEK season finale for her... Lamesauce.
But, apparently I'm amazing and didn't know it.
Then today, this morning...I did my 2D Design project that I worked hella hard on and my teacher said I did really well...which made me happy. Then at break, Everyone was like, "Lynsey- your's was so good. I really enjoyed it. Everyone else's was boring but you explained your stuff and made it funny and kept me awake."
YAY.
Hopefully I get an A on this because I really, really need it in this class...REALLY.
This project is 15% of my grade.
Anywho, we have 7 things due on Monday for this class.
GAHHHH!
But it's okay- I can do it.
Tomorrow my drawing is due in Drawing class.
Also, I have an In class essay for Fehrenheit 451 so tonight I will be spark noting the book to refresh my memory.
EXCITEMENT.
Peace, love, and "My butt is falling asleep...get me off this board!"
So, gather 'round kiddies, it's story time.
Last night, before drawing class, I went and sat outside because the less time spent with Madme Maxine, the best. [Be tee dubs; Madame Maxine is Professor Bruzenak my Drawing I teacher who happens to look like the Headmistress from Beauxbaxons Academy in Harry Potter...I know, I'm lame.] So, I'm sitting at the smokers table in the freezing cold, eating my cosmo brownie and drinking my Blue Madness Naked juice and this guy comes a sits down and we start talking. He lit up a cigeratte, I told him he was going to die. He started laughing and said, "Well, if you see an Ambulance come here, you know they're coming for me." [IRONY is a bitch.] So, he's like mind if I walk you to class and I'm like, yeah sure-- let's do it. So, we find out his class is right next door to mine, so we part ways and I go sit down at my Easel and wait for Chloe and Ben to show up. Well, Ben texted me and was like- "Stuck at O-house, stupid bus driver made me get off the bus." So I told Madame Maxine and she was okay with it, then she started taking roll. Well, Chloe texted me from right next to me and was like, "It is bad when you're sitting and get dizzy?" And I was like um, yeah. So, the class goes on and Chloe told Madame Maxine she wasn't feeling well so she let Chloe sit out on the critique. So, we all go sit by our projects and blah, blah, blah. Then Chole stands up to go get water, takes two steps, passes out and falls flat on her face. So-- Madame Maxine runs over to her and is like, "Oh...wow...well-- no one touch her." Then runs out of the room...so everyone is standing around starring at her, and I break into survival mode, haha.
I tell everyone to back up, and start giving orders. I told everyone to get everything out from around her because there needs to be room for the EMT's, then I told them to clear a path from the door to her. I rolled her over on her back, asked for someone to give me their sweatshirt to put under her head to lift her neck. Got someone to lift her feet to help circulate the blood, around this time she started to come back to. So, I started asking her questions so she wouldn't fall asleep. I got someone to get a wet towel to put on her head. [Everyone was making jokes like, "I know who I want to be around if I pass out!"] So... I start asking her if shes allergic to anything, if she has insurance, what her social is, and other related things that EMT's usually ask. So, I call her Mom, get all the policy info, tell her what happened, get everything straight with her then start asking Chloe what hurts. I started with her feet and moved up to her head. She wasn't studdering or anything speech wise. Madme Maxine eventually runs back into the room, and is like, "The Ambulance is on the way... Oh, looks like you've got everything handled..." Then walks out to talk to the other professors about how no one knows the proceedure of what to do if that happens... UGH, I feel safe.
I keep Chloe talking and laughing and get her a jacket because she said she was cold and her fingertips were freezing, so I told her to start moving her fingers and to keep wiggling them to keep the blood flowing through there and I told her if she could keep moving she wouldn't have to talk. So, she did that.
A few minutes later, a SCAD Security Lady came in and started asking me questions about her, about this time, the EMT's showed up so I met them downstairs and as we were running up I was telling them everything that happened, and what condition she was in. The were shocked that I knew so much. Because I am THAT good.
So, they get in- do the blood sugar and blah, blah, blah. Then go get a strecher and board to lay her on. They get her all strapped in and realize there isn't an elevator...so it was, Me, the two EMT's, and the boy I met earlier carrying her in a strecher down the stairs. I look over at him and say, "Must be your lucky day, God missed." He just smiled.
So, they put her in the Ambulance and I went with because I had all her info and such...and I got out of class for free. Plus her mom told me to.
So I called/texted everyone that needed to be informed. Her boyfriend, her roomate, and Ben. haha. He's important. He started freaking out.
Well, to make a long story short, they checked her out, did a cat scan, gave her morphine and headache meds then told her to go home.
I missed the GREEK season finale for her... Lamesauce.
But, apparently I'm amazing and didn't know it.
Then today, this morning...I did my 2D Design project that I worked hella hard on and my teacher said I did really well...which made me happy. Then at break, Everyone was like, "Lynsey- your's was so good. I really enjoyed it. Everyone else's was boring but you explained your stuff and made it funny and kept me awake."
YAY.
Hopefully I get an A on this because I really, really need it in this class...REALLY.
This project is 15% of my grade.
Anywho, we have 7 things due on Monday for this class.
GAHHHH!
But it's okay- I can do it.
Tomorrow my drawing is due in Drawing class.
Also, I have an In class essay for Fehrenheit 451 so tonight I will be spark noting the book to refresh my memory.
EXCITEMENT.
Peace, love, and "My butt is falling asleep...get me off this board!"
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
It was fun while it lasted.
So, I've found out why reaching Richard over the past couple of days has been so hard. It's because he's decided to completely throw me out of his life. He thinks that I'm "moving to fast" for him and that I'm "more into this" than he is and that he doesn't want to hurt me.
...uh, you just did- thanks.
So basically, I'm utterly fucking crushed. Hence the title, CRUSH.
I don't need this right now, I really fucking don't. I have too much going on in my head to deal with this.
College is kicking my ass and now I have to worry about this boy who over the time of knowing him I've fallen for, who now doesn't want me around. Fuck that.
I don't understand how the world works. How, when one thing goes wrong, THE WORLD ENDS. Why can't bad things happen in Ones, when things are boring- give me something to do.
But no, no. God hates me therefore he likes to just throw everything at me at once.
But then again, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Deja Vu anyone?
Peace, love, and that's okay- the cowboys still suck.
...uh, you just did- thanks.
So basically, I'm utterly fucking crushed. Hence the title, CRUSH.
I don't need this right now, I really fucking don't. I have too much going on in my head to deal with this.
College is kicking my ass and now I have to worry about this boy who over the time of knowing him I've fallen for, who now doesn't want me around. Fuck that.
I don't understand how the world works. How, when one thing goes wrong, THE WORLD ENDS. Why can't bad things happen in Ones, when things are boring- give me something to do.
But no, no. God hates me therefore he likes to just throw everything at me at once.
But then again, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Deja Vu anyone?
Peace, love, and that's okay- the cowboys still suck.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Distance keeps us apart...
...but you are breathing in my heart.Lyrics by Knoxville: Fireworks
I find it rather amazing that since I've been here I have found loads upon loads of new music just floating around. It makes me quite happy. For example, this band Knoxville. But I didn't come here today to write to you about music. I'm here because of Richard.
For Starters, I should put a picture or two of him up. Since I'm sure you'd all like to know what he looks like.
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Cute, huh? I know, I know.So, for the past couple of days, reaching Richard has been hella hard. Like, normally, I text him and he texts me back, if he's at work it takes him MAYBE 5 minutes to text back. But for the past couple of days, "his phone keeps dying", or "he misplaced his phone". And yes, these things do happen but for some reason they happen at bad points and end up making my head spin and my thoughts and paranoia go crazy!
So, I had a bad night on Friday due to the Masquerade ball and my best friend and ex boyfriend sucking face. So, I called him. He said he'd call me back. Never did. I texted him like 8 times. Never got a reply. So I texted him Saturday, over and over. Never got a reply. Finally, I called him. He was on his way to the races so we talked for like 5 seconds then I let him go so he could hang with his friends and such and he said he'd text me when he got out. So, I waited around for a long, long, time. It was like 7:45 here, 6:45 there, and he'd been there since like 12 or 1. So, I had been thinking a lot during this time which was bad, really bad. Because it was at this point that I texted him, "Just letting you know that I'm going to stop talking to you. I feel like I'm heading straight for heartbreak and I can't deal with that, Sorry." then like 20 minutes later I sent, "I probably didn't mean that. I'm just going crazy right now. I really need to talk to you."
Then I called him, his phone was off. So, I waited around till like 11:30 and texted him, "Are we going to get to talk tonight?" Then at 2:45 I sent, "So are you no longer talking to me?" Then at 3:23 I sent, "I really need to talk to you. Please talk to me." So, after I sent that- I somehow ended up at my friend Gerald's Friends room with Gerald and his friend Shannon. They are both from New Orleans and went to St. Aug together. Well, as I'm sitting in Shannon's bed I realize my phone isn't getting any service, so I move a bit and my phone goes off and says I have a new voice message. So I call it, it's Richard and it says, "Baby, I'm sorry. I need you to call me. Please baby."
Now, he sent the message at like 4:30 and I called him at like 5:15. And he was still awake and he says to me, "Okay, don't freak out- just listen for a second." Which made my heart sink to my stomach. Now, I will narrate my thoughts along with his words and my words.
"Okay, go for it." Shit, shit, shit.
"I got in a wreck." WHAT?!!!!
"But, I am alright. We hit a curb, both of my front tires are blown. I think I broke my hand."
"YOU DID WHAT?!!!" [Then I ran out of the room because I couldn't really hear Richard.]
"I probably didn't it just feels like it."
"Well, what did you do? Are you okay?" OMG. OMG. OMG.
"I'm fine. I just punched my car I was pissed." Oh shit, at me? At what I sent? AHHH!
"At what baby? What happened?"
CALL DROPPED
So, I run into the room, grab my shoes and tell the boys I gotta go because Richard is hurt. So I call him back as I am walking back to my dorm.
"Why did you punch the car?"
"I was just having a bad night."
"I'm sorry, what happened?"
"First, I could find my fucking car. Then I read the messages you sent me and I felt so bad for not being able to talk to you, which is partly why we wrecked. I was kinda really pissed and upset and shouldn't have been driving." FUCK.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. You don't really want to stop talking to me do you?"
"No baby. I sent you a myspace message explaining it."
Here's the messgae:
[I don't know what I did to make you not talk to me, but whatever it was, was obviously a big mistake. Richard, you're the only thing good in my life right now. Not being able to talk to you is putting so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions inside of me. It's scary that you're not even mine and I'm already making myself sick thinking of loosing you. I have too many feelings for me. Too much, too soon. That frightens me. I'm trying not to pull away from you because that's generally what I do. I pull away from guys that I have major feelings for because I don't want to get hurt. But, somehow, I managed to push you away. That's the last thing I wanted. If anything, I want you here, in my arms, always. With the way things look now, I may not be able to continue studying at SCAD. Which means, I'll most likely be home permanently soon. The thought of that makes me want to throw up. I don't want that, at all. But the best part is. I'll be closer to you. I'm letting you know right now, that I want you in my life if not forever than for a very long time. I will do everything in my power to see that, that happens. Unless you wish to be removed from it. Even if all you ever are is a friend.
Please just talk to me.
These are only a few of my thoughts.
I don't want to be without you.]
So, then he proceeds to tell me, that not only is one hand "broken" but the other is bleeding.
"BLEEDING?!!! How? Baby, what did you do?"
"There was like shards of glass because of...I don't know baby. I'm fine."
But what he forgot to tell me, and what I heard him and his friends talking about later, is that he got so pissed when he was trying to change the tires and it wasn't working- he threw the car jack through his front windsheild.
That's enough of that. So, I listened to him talk to his friends about everything then, I listened to him tell me how much he doesn't want to loose me. Which was amazing because he never does that in earshot of his friends. :)
Then he got to his friends house where he's staying, [not sure if y'all knew that he got kicked out of his mom's place a while back, but he did, now he house jumps in his group of friends.] So when he gets there, he gets all ready for bed and everything and we talk for a bit, about how different things would be if distance didn't keep us apart. Then, I made him go to sleep because he had a long day. I made him promise that he'd call me today. So- we'll see.
On a different note, 18 days till my birthday!
Oh and be-te-dubs: Going to see Cobra Starship, Hit the Lights, Forever the Sickest Kids, and Sing it Loud on my birthday in ATL. :D!!!
SO EXCITED!
I'm pretty sure John is coming with us, which means he will probably drive his car. If he doesn't come, Molly will and I will drive John's car. Kara and Yolisa are coming with considering that they live in ATL and we are gonna stay at Kara's house. I'm pretty excited to be given this opportunity. Kara and Yolisa are hella cool and it's gonna be fun to get to know them better and such. Can't wait!!
That is all.
Peace, love, and I shouldn't have stayed up till 6am.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
One big ball of suckage.
So before I give you a huge update on life and it's happenings I must first inform you that I am sick and fucking tired of living with Kelsi. She still hasn't cleaned her side of the room, she's inconsiderate of when I'm sleeping and when I'm doing homework and pretty much anything else you can think of. I am so done with it. I'm so close to just walking over to her desk and throwing everything on the floor and piling everything up in the middle of the floor so that she can't get to her bed when she walks in the door. Maybe, just maybe, then she will go, "Oh, I should clean this up." But no, instead, she trips over the same fucking box 6 times and STILL doesn't take it out. I'm almost to the point of cleaning her shit for her. It's pissing me off THAT much.
That's enough about that.
Okay, let us catch up on life.
So, on Monday I wrote about the convo between Devin and I. It's quite unfortunate to report that, that was the last time we spoke. I sent a message to his best friend Sam saying, "K. So, I have a question that I'm hoping you can give me the answer to because I'm buggin' over here.
Uh, did I do something wrong to make Devin stop talking to me? Because I think I might've and I definitely didn't want to screw up my chances with him. Whatever little chance I may have had. If you have any little insider on this situation it's be greatly appreciated to know even so much as, "He never wants to talk to/see you again."
Any bit helps.
Thanks."
And he sent me back, "Well, all i can really say is that hes pretty busy with his projects and getting his portfolio built up, believe me that's extremely stressful and time consuming, but besides that Devin can be kinda clueless sometimes so .. yeah. Sorry hes not being social."
So, according to him Devin is just focusing on school. But I know that's not 100% the truth because I've seen Devin online quite a few times and if Devin was interested in keeping any type of relationship with me, it only takes like 5 seconds to type a message saying, "Hey, sorry I've been busy, when I get a chance, we should hang."
It's not that hard. But, honestly I'm fine with never seeing him again if that's indeed what he wants. I'm just gonna to pull a huge nerd out.
I'm not going to do anything social for the rest of the quarter, which isn't much longer. I am going to put all of my being into Homework, Classes, Working out, and things I am already committed to. Such as, Film Fest and the Fashion Show modeling.
Starting today.
I will watch the LSU game, while doing homework- shit. I was typing this big huge list of shit to do today, then realized...I have a date tonight.
How did that happen?
Damn. I don't want to call it off. But I have so much shit to do. Gah, and really the only reason I was gonna go out with him was for the free food. I know, I know, I'm a bitch. Gahhh.
I'll just call it off now, so that he still has time for plans.
ugh, and he would not be online right now.
Dammnit.
Okay, well anyway.
His name is Sid. I met him at the same party I met Devin at. He's pretty cool. Kind of an odd ball. Hence why I was only going for dinner. haha.
But yeah, so let's talk about Richard since we are here.
I feel like he's slowly pushing me out of his life. Which is depressing me so much. Like, I can feel that something is about to happen between he and I and I can tell that if it's bad, I'm going to be hella hurt. I told myself not to let this happen, to not get too attached to him because he is so far away. Blahhh.
Boys suck.
So- last night was the Masquerade Ball. Let me just shove the night in a nutshell for you real quick.
DJ Sucked.
Molly and Shane were all over each other.
It was grossly hot.
Everyone was wet from the rain.
It smelled weird.
I spent more time watching people dance than actually dancing.
Mostly because the music sucked.
I went home earlier than the rest of my group because I didn't want to be around Molly and Shane anymore, it was making me sick.
I can't even express my hate for that relationship.
She has a kind of boyfriend that she's going to see over break who lives in Michigan. Shane knows. Doesn't care. She's planning on breaking up with Shane so she can have free reign on break.
Ugh.
People suck.
Be-tee-dubs: iTunes shuffle just targeted my mood and put on, I hate Everything about you on. :) Go iTunes.
That is all.
Peace, love, and 19 days till 19!
That's enough about that.
Okay, let us catch up on life.
So, on Monday I wrote about the convo between Devin and I. It's quite unfortunate to report that, that was the last time we spoke. I sent a message to his best friend Sam saying, "K. So, I have a question that I'm hoping you can give me the answer to because I'm buggin' over here.
Uh, did I do something wrong to make Devin stop talking to me? Because I think I might've and I definitely didn't want to screw up my chances with him. Whatever little chance I may have had. If you have any little insider on this situation it's be greatly appreciated to know even so much as, "He never wants to talk to/see you again."
Any bit helps.
Thanks."
And he sent me back, "Well, all i can really say is that hes pretty busy with his projects and getting his portfolio built up, believe me that's extremely stressful and time consuming, but besides that Devin can be kinda clueless sometimes so .. yeah. Sorry hes not being social."
So, according to him Devin is just focusing on school. But I know that's not 100% the truth because I've seen Devin online quite a few times and if Devin was interested in keeping any type of relationship with me, it only takes like 5 seconds to type a message saying, "Hey, sorry I've been busy, when I get a chance, we should hang."
It's not that hard. But, honestly I'm fine with never seeing him again if that's indeed what he wants. I'm just gonna to pull a huge nerd out.
I'm not going to do anything social for the rest of the quarter, which isn't much longer. I am going to put all of my being into Homework, Classes, Working out, and things I am already committed to. Such as, Film Fest and the Fashion Show modeling.
Starting today.
I will watch the LSU game, while doing homework- shit. I was typing this big huge list of shit to do today, then realized...I have a date tonight.
How did that happen?
Damn. I don't want to call it off. But I have so much shit to do. Gah, and really the only reason I was gonna go out with him was for the free food. I know, I know, I'm a bitch. Gahhh.
I'll just call it off now, so that he still has time for plans.
ugh, and he would not be online right now.
Dammnit.
Okay, well anyway.
His name is Sid. I met him at the same party I met Devin at. He's pretty cool. Kind of an odd ball. Hence why I was only going for dinner. haha.
But yeah, so let's talk about Richard since we are here.
I feel like he's slowly pushing me out of his life. Which is depressing me so much. Like, I can feel that something is about to happen between he and I and I can tell that if it's bad, I'm going to be hella hurt. I told myself not to let this happen, to not get too attached to him because he is so far away. Blahhh.
Boys suck.
So- last night was the Masquerade Ball. Let me just shove the night in a nutshell for you real quick.
DJ Sucked.
Molly and Shane were all over each other.
It was grossly hot.
Everyone was wet from the rain.
It smelled weird.
I spent more time watching people dance than actually dancing.
Mostly because the music sucked.
I went home earlier than the rest of my group because I didn't want to be around Molly and Shane anymore, it was making me sick.
I can't even express my hate for that relationship.
She has a kind of boyfriend that she's going to see over break who lives in Michigan. Shane knows. Doesn't care. She's planning on breaking up with Shane so she can have free reign on break.
Ugh.
People suck.
Be-tee-dubs: iTunes shuffle just targeted my mood and put on, I hate Everything about you on. :) Go iTunes.
That is all.
Peace, love, and 19 days till 19!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Let me just put on my Dr. Phil hat real quick.
So, last night I started talking to Devin on facebook and we were flirting pretty heavily. Well, eventually it got to the point where I told him it was his fault I was getting sick and he said, "Well, looks like I have to make up for that, would cuddling help any?" and I said, "It's a good start, I'd be on the road to recovery after a good cuddle session." So he was like, well then I'm coming over.
So of course, I freak out.
I hadn't left the dorm all day. I had barely any sleep from the party so I ran to Molly's room, made her are Patrica come to my room and clean the room while I at least straightened my hair. Then Josh, my R.A came in, and told us to shut up because it was like 1am. haha. So, Josh stayed to freak Devin out.
When Devin finally got to the room, Josh barely opened the door and acted like it was his room and that Devin had woken him up...so I ran to the door and was like Josh, go away.
So, Molly and Patrica met him then left. And Kelsi started her awkward 'talk to everyone' thing.
Well, finally I laid on the bed and pointed at him then at the place next to me, and he was like, "ooh demanding." haha. So I put my arms around his arm and put my head on his shoulder.
He seemed sorta uneasy so I asked him what was wrong, and he was like, just thinking and trying to figure something out and I was like is there anything I can help with and he was like, "No, I'm just nervous, it's been a while since I've cuddled." Totally cute. Well, after a while, he just got up and was like, "I'm gonna go, I'm tired." Then walked out.
I was confused and kinda hurt.
So, I got on facebook and waited for him to get on, so when he did, I talked to him using facebook chat and it tells you when someone's typing.
Well, I typed, "So...did I do something wrong?"
and it said he was tying then it stopped. So I thought he was just thinking of an answer or something, but I waited like 5-10 minutes and said, "Well, in that case I guess I will just leave you alone."
And signed off.
Went to sleep at like 4:30 doing homework that didn't even matter.
Then almost woke up late for class.
Hurried out with my laptop in hand.
Ended up getting to class 20 minutes early because I got ready so fast and peddled my ass off to get there.
So I got on facebook and there was this message waiting for me:
"Sorry i was such a poor cuddle buddy - i guess the best way i can explain it is recent events have sort-of affected me in a way that i'm not really used to. Basically i'm alot more hesitant than i used to be when it comes to my relationships with girls and i'm not too sure as to why.. i think this might be due to some sort of self esteem issue possibly caused by my last breakup (lets just say i mightve handled that with a similar awkwardness) and probably not being helped by a lot of distractions with my homework (which is prolly why its been over a year) so basically i found myself in this middle ground of uncertainty where although i should be able to just friggn cuddle for some reason i just couldn't.. plus im a slow idiot who could've prolly worked this out a lot smoother but hey at least im not an existential christian
i dont know to be honest i do kinda wish i had truely been able to show off my cuddliness but i guess thatll have to wait another day"
So I responded, "Devin, I am a very blunt human being. If I'm not satisfied, I tell people that I am indeed, not satisfied. If I didn't want you laying in my bed next to me, you wouldn't have been there. It's that simple. Do me a favor, when you're with me- forget about all your insecurities and past relationships. Just focus on being wherever you are, with me. It makes everything smoother. Don't think, just act. If I don't like the way you acted...you'll be the first to know, I promise.
On that note, I must tell you that I am EXTREMELY paranoid. So, when a guy is in my room, on my bed, and tells me that he's thinking and going through his head and blah, blah, blah...I immediately think the worst. Then, when he just leaves with no explanation it makes the thoughts worse. Please don't do that again. Even if all you say is, "It has nothing to do with you, I promise." I'd leave it at that, and not think so badly. Last night though, I honestly thought that you left because you realized that I wasn't worth your time. Because that's how I think.
Anywho, it's time for my class to start.
Hope you have a good day.
And maybe I can see you again soon?"
So, hopefully I get to see him today and I am able to talk to him to tell him to stop thinking around me and just be with me.
But, I must say it's pretty exciting to see that he already kinda classifys this as a relationship.
:D
That is all.
For now.
Peace, love, and Cuddles!
So of course, I freak out.
I hadn't left the dorm all day. I had barely any sleep from the party so I ran to Molly's room, made her are Patrica come to my room and clean the room while I at least straightened my hair. Then Josh, my R.A came in, and told us to shut up because it was like 1am. haha. So, Josh stayed to freak Devin out.
When Devin finally got to the room, Josh barely opened the door and acted like it was his room and that Devin had woken him up...so I ran to the door and was like Josh, go away.
So, Molly and Patrica met him then left. And Kelsi started her awkward 'talk to everyone' thing.
Well, finally I laid on the bed and pointed at him then at the place next to me, and he was like, "ooh demanding." haha. So I put my arms around his arm and put my head on his shoulder.
He seemed sorta uneasy so I asked him what was wrong, and he was like, just thinking and trying to figure something out and I was like is there anything I can help with and he was like, "No, I'm just nervous, it's been a while since I've cuddled." Totally cute. Well, after a while, he just got up and was like, "I'm gonna go, I'm tired." Then walked out.
I was confused and kinda hurt.
So, I got on facebook and waited for him to get on, so when he did, I talked to him using facebook chat and it tells you when someone's typing.
Well, I typed, "So...did I do something wrong?"
and it said he was tying then it stopped. So I thought he was just thinking of an answer or something, but I waited like 5-10 minutes and said, "Well, in that case I guess I will just leave you alone."
And signed off.
Went to sleep at like 4:30 doing homework that didn't even matter.
Then almost woke up late for class.
Hurried out with my laptop in hand.
Ended up getting to class 20 minutes early because I got ready so fast and peddled my ass off to get there.
So I got on facebook and there was this message waiting for me:
"Sorry i was such a poor cuddle buddy - i guess the best way i can explain it is recent events have sort-of affected me in a way that i'm not really used to. Basically i'm alot more hesitant than i used to be when it comes to my relationships with girls and i'm not too sure as to why.. i think this might be due to some sort of self esteem issue possibly caused by my last breakup (lets just say i mightve handled that with a similar awkwardness) and probably not being helped by a lot of distractions with my homework (which is prolly why its been over a year) so basically i found myself in this middle ground of uncertainty where although i should be able to just friggn cuddle for some reason i just couldn't.. plus im a slow idiot who could've prolly worked this out a lot smoother but hey at least im not an existential christian
i dont know to be honest i do kinda wish i had truely been able to show off my cuddliness but i guess thatll have to wait another day"
So I responded, "Devin, I am a very blunt human being. If I'm not satisfied, I tell people that I am indeed, not satisfied. If I didn't want you laying in my bed next to me, you wouldn't have been there. It's that simple. Do me a favor, when you're with me- forget about all your insecurities and past relationships. Just focus on being wherever you are, with me. It makes everything smoother. Don't think, just act. If I don't like the way you acted...you'll be the first to know, I promise.
On that note, I must tell you that I am EXTREMELY paranoid. So, when a guy is in my room, on my bed, and tells me that he's thinking and going through his head and blah, blah, blah...I immediately think the worst. Then, when he just leaves with no explanation it makes the thoughts worse. Please don't do that again. Even if all you say is, "It has nothing to do with you, I promise." I'd leave it at that, and not think so badly. Last night though, I honestly thought that you left because you realized that I wasn't worth your time. Because that's how I think.
Anywho, it's time for my class to start.
Hope you have a good day.
And maybe I can see you again soon?"
So, hopefully I get to see him today and I am able to talk to him to tell him to stop thinking around me and just be with me.
But, I must say it's pretty exciting to see that he already kinda classifys this as a relationship.
:D
That is all.
For now.
Peace, love, and Cuddles!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Nerd Alert.
Last night, Kelsi drug me to a party that one of her gamers guild friends was throwing. I wasn't really complaining because I was so stressed and needed to get out. So I went. When we got there, there was like 6 people there and they were talking about D and D and all those other RPG's. I was SO out of place. Plus, we were an hour early. So, 9 o'clock rolls around and like 15 people walk in. Followed by like 20 more people. There was alcohol EVERYWHERE. Jolie was wasted before 9. So by like 9:30 she was singing, dancing, and making out with James.
Which was highly amusing.
Well, I decided that since I was single, and not committed to anyone- except Richard, I decided to flirt with guys. Unfortunately, there wasn't really any of value...
Except Devin.
Hello Devin. :D
He's a Junior. He's super cool.
Cute, right?
Well, he and I went and talked on the roof of the place we were at like twice both for like an hourish. It was like 50 degrees, and the wind was blowing. We were so cold but the conversation was good, so we toughed through it.
Overall, I must say- the party was a success. Even though there was no kissing on part. No numbers given. I'm fine with that. Just meeting him was good enough.
Oh, right and then I facebook stalked him, and all the other kids I met there. haha. Because I am an Olympic Facebook Stalker.
Basically, if you have a facebook, and I know just like 2 things about you, I can find you.
:D
Now, time for massive amounts of homework.
Yay procrastination!!
Peace, love, and "the spin is rooming!"
Which was highly amusing.
Well, I decided that since I was single, and not committed to anyone- except Richard, I decided to flirt with guys. Unfortunately, there wasn't really any of value...
Except Devin.
Hello Devin. :D
He's a Junior. He's super cool.
Cute, right?Well, he and I went and talked on the roof of the place we were at like twice both for like an hourish. It was like 50 degrees, and the wind was blowing. We were so cold but the conversation was good, so we toughed through it.
Overall, I must say- the party was a success. Even though there was no kissing on part. No numbers given. I'm fine with that. Just meeting him was good enough.
Oh, right and then I facebook stalked him, and all the other kids I met there. haha. Because I am an Olympic Facebook Stalker.
Basically, if you have a facebook, and I know just like 2 things about you, I can find you.
:D
Now, time for massive amounts of homework.
Yay procrastination!!
Peace, love, and "the spin is rooming!"
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
As long as it takes.
So, here's what's up.
I've been hanging out with Marc and Ben Hughes lately...like a lot. Pretty much any spare time I have is devoted to them. In fact, even when I don't have spare time it's devoted to them. When I'm doing homework, I'm doing it there- When I'm stressed I'm being stressed there. It's actually quite amazing. I just show up and BAM! I'm there till 1-4AM.
Seriously though, slowly but surely they are becoming my best friends, only thing is- Marc wants more. Normally, I would jump all up on that. [lol] But no, not this time. And why? Because I feel like it's time I break up with Ben.
WHAT.
How did that make any sense?
Oh, oh it did-- does-- whatever.
Here's how;
Marc likes me.
I like Marc.
Ben likes me a lot.
I like Ben a lot.
I like 3248734287582974998234 other people.
.1% of those people actually like me back.
If I could just be single then I wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone.
...anyone but Richard.
Now you just hold on one goddamn second...RICHARD!?
Yes.
Richard.
Well why in the world would you go and bring up Richard?
Because- I'm falling for him.
Falling.
Not like.
Falling.
I am fucking falling.
Face first.
Problem?
Well...he's falling, too.
PROBLEM?
He's perfect.
No seriously....what's the problem?
He lives in Texas.
Oh. Well. Alright.
So, now that I am done talking to myself I can say, Do you see the dilemma? But honestly, that's not even the real problem. The real problem is that he wants to be with me and I want to be with him and he's in Texas and I like him so much that I want to stay faithful to him. [WHOA WHAT crazy thought.] I know, I know. Since I've been in college I've gone through more boys than I have done loads of laundry. Let's do a quick recap of boys:
1. Andrew [Make-out, no talk afterwards]
2. Shane [We all know how that story goes]
3. Jake [Hookup, no talk]
4. Ben [Again, we know this story]
5. Atreyu [BAHAHA. Uh, yeah]
6. Marc [Technically, he isn't anything yet- but go with it]
So, yeah. Now; yesterday, Richard was all like, "I'm not going on dates and flirting with girls because tings are going really awesome with us. Should I be going on dates and flirting with other girls or are you actually serious about me and you?" I said, "I'm serious- if that's what you want.", but at that time- I wasn't. I was serious about Ben. The convo continued, "It is indeed what I want. But not if you don't want it to be, and as for the distance thing, we'll work through it. I'm going to take a break from the girls and work on me and you, It's up to you what you want though. I like the way things are going right now." Then I said, "Why do you like me? Why would you waste your time on someone so far away, esp. a girl like me." He responded, "Well, let me tell you why... The first thing that got me was your attractiveness then we started talking and I found out you're probably the sweetest girl that I've ever known. Like yesterday some stuff you were saying I was just like WOW! She's an awesome girl. And what do you mean, esp. a girl like you? If anything there should be more girls like you. As for wasting my time...I honestly don't think I am." That was when I realized...I'm falling for Richard fucking Tavares. And I'm okay with that. Why? Because he talks to his friends about me, he cares about me, he always texts me in the morning to say hello and at night before I fall asleep. He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, just 1030.77 miles away. But hey, what's a 15 and half hour drive if it's not worth it?
Because of him, I will be going home on my break.
He wants to come see me, but the only way that would be possible, is if I'm in Louisiana- and I can totally do that. For him.
So my mission for today is to... unfortunately, break it off with Ben and get Marc to see it, too.
As much as I hate to say it. I wish I could just stay with Ben and lie to Richard...but alas, I'm trying something new. Who knows, maybe this will be the best decision of my life.
All I know is what I want right now, right this second and that's where these words are coming from.
But, also- I know that for some odd reason, I am actually missing Covington, Louisiana right now. That, and the people from it.
Oh lord.
That is all.
Peace, love, and Texas!
I've been hanging out with Marc and Ben Hughes lately...like a lot. Pretty much any spare time I have is devoted to them. In fact, even when I don't have spare time it's devoted to them. When I'm doing homework, I'm doing it there- When I'm stressed I'm being stressed there. It's actually quite amazing. I just show up and BAM! I'm there till 1-4AM.
Seriously though, slowly but surely they are becoming my best friends, only thing is- Marc wants more. Normally, I would jump all up on that. [lol] But no, not this time. And why? Because I feel like it's time I break up with Ben.
WHAT.
How did that make any sense?
Oh, oh it did-- does-- whatever.
Here's how;
Marc likes me.
I like Marc.
Ben likes me a lot.
I like Ben a lot.
I like 3248734287582974998234 other people.
.1% of those people actually like me back.
If I could just be single then I wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone.
...anyone but Richard.
Now you just hold on one goddamn second...RICHARD!?
Yes.
Richard.
Well why in the world would you go and bring up Richard?
Because- I'm falling for him.
Falling.
Not like.
Falling.
I am fucking falling.
Face first.
Problem?
Well...he's falling, too.
PROBLEM?
He's perfect.
No seriously....what's the problem?
He lives in Texas.
Oh. Well. Alright.
So, now that I am done talking to myself I can say, Do you see the dilemma? But honestly, that's not even the real problem. The real problem is that he wants to be with me and I want to be with him and he's in Texas and I like him so much that I want to stay faithful to him. [WHOA WHAT crazy thought.] I know, I know. Since I've been in college I've gone through more boys than I have done loads of laundry. Let's do a quick recap of boys:
1. Andrew [Make-out, no talk afterwards]
2. Shane [We all know how that story goes]
3. Jake [Hookup, no talk]
4. Ben [Again, we know this story]
5. Atreyu [BAHAHA. Uh, yeah]
6. Marc [Technically, he isn't anything yet- but go with it]
So, yeah. Now; yesterday, Richard was all like, "I'm not going on dates and flirting with girls because tings are going really awesome with us. Should I be going on dates and flirting with other girls or are you actually serious about me and you?" I said, "I'm serious- if that's what you want.", but at that time- I wasn't. I was serious about Ben. The convo continued, "It is indeed what I want. But not if you don't want it to be, and as for the distance thing, we'll work through it. I'm going to take a break from the girls and work on me and you, It's up to you what you want though. I like the way things are going right now." Then I said, "Why do you like me? Why would you waste your time on someone so far away, esp. a girl like me." He responded, "Well, let me tell you why... The first thing that got me was your attractiveness then we started talking and I found out you're probably the sweetest girl that I've ever known. Like yesterday some stuff you were saying I was just like WOW! She's an awesome girl. And what do you mean, esp. a girl like you? If anything there should be more girls like you. As for wasting my time...I honestly don't think I am." That was when I realized...I'm falling for Richard fucking Tavares. And I'm okay with that. Why? Because he talks to his friends about me, he cares about me, he always texts me in the morning to say hello and at night before I fall asleep. He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, just 1030.77 miles away. But hey, what's a 15 and half hour drive if it's not worth it?
Because of him, I will be going home on my break.
He wants to come see me, but the only way that would be possible, is if I'm in Louisiana- and I can totally do that. For him.
So my mission for today is to... unfortunately, break it off with Ben and get Marc to see it, too.
As much as I hate to say it. I wish I could just stay with Ben and lie to Richard...but alas, I'm trying something new. Who knows, maybe this will be the best decision of my life.
All I know is what I want right now, right this second and that's where these words are coming from.
But, also- I know that for some odd reason, I am actually missing Covington, Louisiana right now. That, and the people from it.
Oh lord.
That is all.
Peace, love, and Texas!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Because that's what friends are for...
So, you ask, "Lynsey: wha'ts been going on lately. You've been writing all abstract and I can't figure out what's happening."
So here goes;
Ben and I are "official" as of Wednesday or Thursday. Yay Ben! I hadn't talked to Molly since...Tuesday? I think. Ben left to go visit home on Friday morning. Boo Ben! I was hella bored so I went to Molly's room only to find Shane lying on her bed. Apparently, that's why I hadn't seen her since Tuesday. She and Shane have been inseperable. Awesome!!
Well, Friday rolls around and I go to CVS for some junk, meet this hella cute guy and give him my number. Well, eventually he gets off work calls me, and we end up hanging out. He apparently felt it was a date because he began to PASSIONATELY kiss me. Way to go douchebag. So, he totally creeped me out and I left. I felt so bad because the whole time I was with this guy, I kept thinking of Ben.
Saturday night- Kelsi walks in the room and she's getting a movie out of the dresser and she says, "I'm gonna go to the BR boys room and we are gonna watch a movie...I'd invite you but Molly and Shane are in there."
So, on Saturday night I was left all alone in my room. Needless to say my mind started running wild and I ended up on the floor crying. Thankfully though, Ben Hughes [from my drawing class] came to my rescue. He saw a Facebook status update and called me and was like, "Come over! I am going to cheer you up!" So I went to his dorm, met his new roomie, Marc and their friend Aly. Basically, they tried to make fat by feeding me all sorts of crap. From chips, to halloween candy. It was quite good. We watched Moulon Rouge, and laughed our asses off because that movie was so ridiculous. hahaha. Then, Aly went to bed and Marc, Ben, and I sat there and talked about Relationships because of the Molly/Shane thing. It was nice because they truly helped me cheer up.
On Sunday, I made every effort to get all my homework done- but alas, football was on. Saints kicked ass, Chicago lost [dumbasses], and the Cardnials beat the Cowboys. WHOOHOOO! Ben came back during the Chicago/ATL game. He tried to keep me motivated in homework, but- that didn't work. So, eventually I realized it was time to break the news to Ben about the "date" from hell. He was shocked, but not mad. Part of me wanted him to be mad. He should've been. But he wasn't and I don't know why. He says he likes me so much and he doesn't understand it. And I keep thinking, I like you so much, but I can't understand why I keep trying to get other guys. Last night, I was having a massive amount of thoughts swimming in my head so I grabbed my homework and went to Ben and Marcs to do homework and believe it or not- I've never actually did my homework on time and so well in my life. Marc sat there and helped me to improve. He showed me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. Unfortunately, I couldn't ask Marc how to fix my problems with Ben because the only Ben he knows of is Ben Hughes. He doesn't know that I'm TECHNICALLY in a relationship- and he's never asked.
Not that I expect anything from Marc, I guess I'm just hella confused about everything right now. Honestly, I just want Ben Hughes and Marc to be my new best friends because I know they won't date my ex's. They will be there when I need to cry, they will always say, "Lynsey, we do this because that's what friends are for."
Time to focus on classwork.
Peace, love, and Textures suck.
EDIT:
Also; as of...yesterday, Molly and Shane are officially Boyfriend/Girlfriend.
That is all.
Peace, love, and "Way to be my Best Friend!"
So here goes;
Ben and I are "official" as of Wednesday or Thursday. Yay Ben! I hadn't talked to Molly since...Tuesday? I think. Ben left to go visit home on Friday morning. Boo Ben! I was hella bored so I went to Molly's room only to find Shane lying on her bed. Apparently, that's why I hadn't seen her since Tuesday. She and Shane have been inseperable. Awesome!!
Well, Friday rolls around and I go to CVS for some junk, meet this hella cute guy and give him my number. Well, eventually he gets off work calls me, and we end up hanging out. He apparently felt it was a date because he began to PASSIONATELY kiss me. Way to go douchebag. So, he totally creeped me out and I left. I felt so bad because the whole time I was with this guy, I kept thinking of Ben.
Saturday night- Kelsi walks in the room and she's getting a movie out of the dresser and she says, "I'm gonna go to the BR boys room and we are gonna watch a movie...I'd invite you but Molly and Shane are in there."
So, on Saturday night I was left all alone in my room. Needless to say my mind started running wild and I ended up on the floor crying. Thankfully though, Ben Hughes [from my drawing class] came to my rescue. He saw a Facebook status update and called me and was like, "Come over! I am going to cheer you up!" So I went to his dorm, met his new roomie, Marc and their friend Aly. Basically, they tried to make fat by feeding me all sorts of crap. From chips, to halloween candy. It was quite good. We watched Moulon Rouge, and laughed our asses off because that movie was so ridiculous. hahaha. Then, Aly went to bed and Marc, Ben, and I sat there and talked about Relationships because of the Molly/Shane thing. It was nice because they truly helped me cheer up.
On Sunday, I made every effort to get all my homework done- but alas, football was on. Saints kicked ass, Chicago lost [dumbasses], and the Cardnials beat the Cowboys. WHOOHOOO! Ben came back during the Chicago/ATL game. He tried to keep me motivated in homework, but- that didn't work. So, eventually I realized it was time to break the news to Ben about the "date" from hell. He was shocked, but not mad. Part of me wanted him to be mad. He should've been. But he wasn't and I don't know why. He says he likes me so much and he doesn't understand it. And I keep thinking, I like you so much, but I can't understand why I keep trying to get other guys. Last night, I was having a massive amount of thoughts swimming in my head so I grabbed my homework and went to Ben and Marcs to do homework and believe it or not- I've never actually did my homework on time and so well in my life. Marc sat there and helped me to improve. He showed me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. Unfortunately, I couldn't ask Marc how to fix my problems with Ben because the only Ben he knows of is Ben Hughes. He doesn't know that I'm TECHNICALLY in a relationship- and he's never asked.
Not that I expect anything from Marc, I guess I'm just hella confused about everything right now. Honestly, I just want Ben Hughes and Marc to be my new best friends because I know they won't date my ex's. They will be there when I need to cry, they will always say, "Lynsey, we do this because that's what friends are for."
Time to focus on classwork.
Peace, love, and Textures suck.
EDIT:
Also; as of...yesterday, Molly and Shane are officially Boyfriend/Girlfriend.
That is all.
Peace, love, and "Way to be my Best Friend!"
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Take a moment.
Take a breath, look around you. What do you see?
How beautiful would it be if you saw what you wanted to see instead of the harsh realities of the world? No more bad days, no more sadness, just pure bliss.
But, would you change everything? Would you want some tragedy in your life? After all, isn't suffering the thing that makes us stronger?
How beautiful would it be if you saw what you wanted to see instead of the harsh realities of the world? No more bad days, no more sadness, just pure bliss.
But, would you change everything? Would you want some tragedy in your life? After all, isn't suffering the thing that makes us stronger?
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
How true is that?
Really.
Do you always learn from your mistakes and misfortunes? Does every failure make you realize a clear path of how to go about mending your cuts and bruises?
Mmm...that is all.
Peace, love, and LSU!!!
How true is that?
Really.
Do you always learn from your mistakes and misfortunes? Does every failure make you realize a clear path of how to go about mending your cuts and bruises?
Mmm...that is all.
Peace, love, and LSU!!!
Friday, October 10, 2008
I'm ready for Chaos
I feel like I can't even write right now.
I feel like throwing up.
I feel like dancing.
I feel amazing.
I feel amazingly shitty.
I feel content.
I feel pissed.
I just, feel.
Everything.
Every emotion all at once.
Sometimes, I can't breathe because of utter bliss- other times I can't breathe because I feel like punching a baby in the face.
I just, need a night out.
Tonight, is that night.
I met a kid today named, Atreyu. We are going to get coffee in a little while. I'm pretty stoked. It should be fun to hang out with someone new.
He's a Junior film student. Which is pretty beastly, if I say so myself.
He works at CVS, which is hella cool.
I'm stoked to hang out with him tonight.
That is all for now, just because I feel like I am out of things to say.
Peace, Love, and Chaos.
I feel like throwing up.
I feel like dancing.
I feel amazing.
I feel amazingly shitty.
I feel content.
I feel pissed.
I just, feel.
Everything.
Every emotion all at once.
Sometimes, I can't breathe because of utter bliss- other times I can't breathe because I feel like punching a baby in the face.
I just, need a night out.
Tonight, is that night.
I met a kid today named, Atreyu. We are going to get coffee in a little while. I'm pretty stoked. It should be fun to hang out with someone new.
He's a Junior film student. Which is pretty beastly, if I say so myself.
He works at CVS, which is hella cool.
I'm stoked to hang out with him tonight.
That is all for now, just because I feel like I am out of things to say.
Peace, Love, and Chaos.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I'm kind of a big deal.
Yep, you guessed it! It's an Anchorman night! What's up.
So let's see. Where to start?
Oh right, where I left off would be good. So- since I didn't have my I.D I wasn't able to get into the building for my 8am class. So, that makes this my 2nd absence in that class all because the fucking guards wouldn't let me in. GGGGreat.
So, then I had to pay $25 dollars to get a new one. I go in there, and the network goes down. So I leave and come back in 30 minutes. Come back, new lady-- she goes to print my I.D and the printer jams... six times. Just my luck! Well, then, Kelsi and I decide to bike to CVS. We get an assload of stuff, and put most of it on MY bike. So, in Georgia there is a law saying that riding your bike on the sidewalk is prohibited. So we have to ride on the street. Well, there are these like makeshift sidewalks they put up for pedestrians to walk through and not get hit in the construction crap. So, I am riding my bike in between traffic and this sidewalk thing. Well since I have like 50 lbs of crap on my bike, when the cars pass by my bike shakes. Well one car goes by kind of fast and the wind hits the bag and pulls my handlebars into the wall...along with my body. Now, I have like 50 splinters in my leg. Mega sadness.
Okay, so now to the juicy stuff. The stuff that everyone really wants to hear. Especially Ben, who by the way- always seems to be sitting next to me when I go to type about him. Lamesauce. So, last night...well, wait first let me start with the fact that he and I both initially said that we didn't want to get into anything serious. He and Courtney just broke up- Shane and I just broke up. Well, apparently we both lied to each other because last night he and I were laying on the bed just talking...then before I knew it, we were cuddling- then, yes you guessed it, we kissed. That's right, we kissed.
I'm sorry- I don't think you understand what I just said. He and I kissed. Do you know what that means? It means that my heartbeat sped up, my stomach did backflips, my mind drew a blank, my plams got sweaty, and my cheeks turned red. It's funny, I didn't react like that with Shane, Chase, Brandon, or Lawson even. Last time I remember doing that was...wow, with Jeff. Which scares me, majorly. Also, last night he started comparing me to some of his exes and I hate that so I asked him to stop. Then, today in my mind I started comparing him to everyone. Then, I landed on Jeff. On how their hair is the same, their lips are similar, their skin tone is the same, and oh god that feeling I get is the same. Ben smokes, Jeff smoked. Kissing Ben just now after he came back in from smoking sent my mind into a frenzie. It was so fimilar. Part of me wants to stay away from Ben because of this, the other part makes me want to be near him even more.
But, as previously stated- this is all him. His decision how everything turns out. I refuse to take the wheel in this. Which, even further scares me. Because, what if I am too far in this- what if he isn't. What if...oh god. Screw the what if's, I would be here all night with those.
Personally, I just want to be in his arms with my head burried in his chest listening to his heartbeat. Even if while he's laying there he's thinking of someone else, somewhere else I'd be pleased to just be the one he is with at the moment.
For real though, he is so amazing. He shouldn't be. He can't be. I won't let him. Oh my.
So, now; I will continue to lay in my bed next to the boy who for god knows how long my thoughts and dreams will be about. Yay.
Goodnight.
Peace, love and FUCKING RON BURGANDY!!!
So let's see. Where to start?
Oh right, where I left off would be good. So- since I didn't have my I.D I wasn't able to get into the building for my 8am class. So, that makes this my 2nd absence in that class all because the fucking guards wouldn't let me in. GGGGreat.
So, then I had to pay $25 dollars to get a new one. I go in there, and the network goes down. So I leave and come back in 30 minutes. Come back, new lady-- she goes to print my I.D and the printer jams... six times. Just my luck! Well, then, Kelsi and I decide to bike to CVS. We get an assload of stuff, and put most of it on MY bike. So, in Georgia there is a law saying that riding your bike on the sidewalk is prohibited. So we have to ride on the street. Well, there are these like makeshift sidewalks they put up for pedestrians to walk through and not get hit in the construction crap. So, I am riding my bike in between traffic and this sidewalk thing. Well since I have like 50 lbs of crap on my bike, when the cars pass by my bike shakes. Well one car goes by kind of fast and the wind hits the bag and pulls my handlebars into the wall...along with my body. Now, I have like 50 splinters in my leg. Mega sadness.
Okay, so now to the juicy stuff. The stuff that everyone really wants to hear. Especially Ben, who by the way- always seems to be sitting next to me when I go to type about him. Lamesauce. So, last night...well, wait first let me start with the fact that he and I both initially said that we didn't want to get into anything serious. He and Courtney just broke up- Shane and I just broke up. Well, apparently we both lied to each other because last night he and I were laying on the bed just talking...then before I knew it, we were cuddling- then, yes you guessed it, we kissed. That's right, we kissed.
I'm sorry- I don't think you understand what I just said. He and I kissed. Do you know what that means? It means that my heartbeat sped up, my stomach did backflips, my mind drew a blank, my plams got sweaty, and my cheeks turned red. It's funny, I didn't react like that with Shane, Chase, Brandon, or Lawson even. Last time I remember doing that was...wow, with Jeff. Which scares me, majorly. Also, last night he started comparing me to some of his exes and I hate that so I asked him to stop. Then, today in my mind I started comparing him to everyone. Then, I landed on Jeff. On how their hair is the same, their lips are similar, their skin tone is the same, and oh god that feeling I get is the same. Ben smokes, Jeff smoked. Kissing Ben just now after he came back in from smoking sent my mind into a frenzie. It was so fimilar. Part of me wants to stay away from Ben because of this, the other part makes me want to be near him even more.
But, as previously stated- this is all him. His decision how everything turns out. I refuse to take the wheel in this. Which, even further scares me. Because, what if I am too far in this- what if he isn't. What if...oh god. Screw the what if's, I would be here all night with those.
Personally, I just want to be in his arms with my head burried in his chest listening to his heartbeat. Even if while he's laying there he's thinking of someone else, somewhere else I'd be pleased to just be the one he is with at the moment.
For real though, he is so amazing. He shouldn't be. He can't be. I won't let him. Oh my.
So, now; I will continue to lay in my bed next to the boy who for god knows how long my thoughts and dreams will be about. Yay.
Goodnight.
Peace, love and FUCKING RON BURGANDY!!!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Get on my level hoe.
Today was horrible. Absolutely dreadful. This morning, I woke up hella early to go eat breakfast and to try and get on the bus early so I could make it to Anderson hall early so that I could be there before the help session and work on the still life stuff before the professor showed up. Well, everything went well...until the bus was late. So I ended up wasting like an hour of my time waiting for the bus. So, when I finally got to Anderson it was like 1:30. The help session was supposed to start at 2 but she didn't show up till 2:30. So, I was already an hour into the drawing when she showed up. And; as normal- she walked over to me first, sat in my seat and showed me how completely off my drawing was. So basically, I had to start completely over. There goes another hour of work. Around 4:30 I got aggravated with everything so I took a whole bunch of pictures and left so I could finish my drawings at home. I made sure everything was set to do so. The bus was scheduled to run at 4:45 and 5:00. I sat out in front of Anderson till 5:30. Then I decided to walk back because I was not sitting there till 7:00. So, I start walking the 100 million blocks to Tannex in the nastty heat. About a block away, I realized...I have to pee, real bad. So I start walking faster. Then I realize, I'm not in a good part of town, I should walk faster and call Molly. So, as I am telling Molly about my shitty day...my shoe breaks. Thats right. My fucking flip-flop snapped. So then I had to walk like 10 blocks barefoot. Then I realize...oh wow- I don't have my I.D! So, Molly and I got on our bikes and rode BACK to Anderson, and back. Didn't find it. So now, I have to go get a new one. Yay.
And; now I am sitting on my bed, Ben is next to me, Kelsi is on the phone, and Rob is on her bed and we are talking about Politics and Kelsi is getting all rawled up about it. It's quite amusing. Gah, everyone is talking at once. Oh my. The music- the people. AHHH!
Much better.
John just walked in and surprizingly enough- he is still after that chick with the boyfriend. Which makes me giggle like a little girl. Because he is so me, just in male form and he's pretty much a model and I'm pretty much, not. haha.
That is all.
Peace, love, and fuck politics.
And; now I am sitting on my bed, Ben is next to me, Kelsi is on the phone, and Rob is on her bed and we are talking about Politics and Kelsi is getting all rawled up about it. It's quite amusing. Gah, everyone is talking at once. Oh my. The music- the people. AHHH!
Much better.
John just walked in and surprizingly enough- he is still after that chick with the boyfriend. Which makes me giggle like a little girl. Because he is so me, just in male form and he's pretty much a model and I'm pretty much, not. haha.
That is all.
Peace, love, and fuck politics.
99 problems but a bitch ain't one.
So, tonight started off in a frenzy of emotions. No lie. I went from; I'm ugly to I want a boy to I want to makeout with random boys to I just want to talk to cute boys to I'm getting the fuck out of this nerd fest to you aren't cool enough to hang out with me to [finally] content with how the night went.
I watched The Notebook.
lol.
Super Sappy to begin the night off. But in my defense, the book was kickass compared to the movie.
After that I went to Mr. Pizza with three random guys down the hall. Then ultimately ended up at the smokers table in search of Ben. iick. I know that, that is super scary that I was seeking him out but I don't know something about him intrigues me. So, I waited there for a while- then went and got a smoothie with Ashley, Hannah, Patricia and some other girls. They were gonna walk to Dyson to see Chris and I wanted to go back to Tannex so I walked off and low and behold...there he is sitting at the table. Which made me happy.
Now; let me break off into a tangent. This is for you mom. He's tall, got dark brown/blackish hair that is generally spiked up and geled all cute and junk... But, unfortunately- he has a girlfriend. Yes. I know.
So, I sat down and talked to him for a good while. Apparently, he dislikes the chick he's with and for good reason. She isn't that good looking...and okay well, here goes I'll be bitch about it- She's raunchy. Very, very raunchy. But, the main point is...he doesn't like her, so it makes it okay that I like him....right? Right? Please tell that I'm right.
So, he says that he's going to break up with her tomorrow. Not that, that leaves me anywhere or anything. But, it's good to know that he isn't going to stay with someone he doesn't have feelings for. In some ways he is like me in the sense that he rushed into something with her and I rushed into things with Shane.
As of now, he is currently sitting on my bed, leaned in reading everything I am writing. He thinks that he knows exactly what I'm thinking but, he doesn't. What he doesn't know is that everytime he's around I find myself thinking that I can't read him, that I wish I could tell where his mind was. Thats what intrigues me. Not knowing why hes here, why this room, why call me? To me, it makes no sense but maybe to him, he's got a plan got everything figured out. But then again, I always tend to overthink and overanalyise things. Who knows, maybe there aren't even thoughts about me in his head. Maybe I am just a friend to him, which is totally cool. I definately am not interested in rushing into anything with him. I always do that. This time, I want things to go slow and at a natural pace. This time, if there even is a "this time" I want to be friends and have the possiblity of it evolving to more. But who knows, maybe that will be the downfall in this.
Damn, life has a funny way of never being consistant.
Fuck that.
That's enough for now.
Peace, love, and promises of tomorrow.
I watched The Notebook.
lol.
Super Sappy to begin the night off. But in my defense, the book was kickass compared to the movie.
After that I went to Mr. Pizza with three random guys down the hall. Then ultimately ended up at the smokers table in search of Ben. iick. I know that, that is super scary that I was seeking him out but I don't know something about him intrigues me. So, I waited there for a while- then went and got a smoothie with Ashley, Hannah, Patricia and some other girls. They were gonna walk to Dyson to see Chris and I wanted to go back to Tannex so I walked off and low and behold...there he is sitting at the table. Which made me happy.
Now; let me break off into a tangent. This is for you mom. He's tall, got dark brown/blackish hair that is generally spiked up and geled all cute and junk... But, unfortunately- he has a girlfriend. Yes. I know.
So, I sat down and talked to him for a good while. Apparently, he dislikes the chick he's with and for good reason. She isn't that good looking...and okay well, here goes I'll be bitch about it- She's raunchy. Very, very raunchy. But, the main point is...he doesn't like her, so it makes it okay that I like him....right? Right? Please tell that I'm right.
So, he says that he's going to break up with her tomorrow. Not that, that leaves me anywhere or anything. But, it's good to know that he isn't going to stay with someone he doesn't have feelings for. In some ways he is like me in the sense that he rushed into something with her and I rushed into things with Shane.
As of now, he is currently sitting on my bed, leaned in reading everything I am writing. He thinks that he knows exactly what I'm thinking but, he doesn't. What he doesn't know is that everytime he's around I find myself thinking that I can't read him, that I wish I could tell where his mind was. Thats what intrigues me. Not knowing why hes here, why this room, why call me? To me, it makes no sense but maybe to him, he's got a plan got everything figured out. But then again, I always tend to overthink and overanalyise things. Who knows, maybe there aren't even thoughts about me in his head. Maybe I am just a friend to him, which is totally cool. I definately am not interested in rushing into anything with him. I always do that. This time, I want things to go slow and at a natural pace. This time, if there even is a "this time" I want to be friends and have the possiblity of it evolving to more. But who knows, maybe that will be the downfall in this.
Damn, life has a funny way of never being consistant.
Fuck that.
That's enough for now.
Peace, love, and promises of tomorrow.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
A walk through Hell.
Shane dumped me yesterday.
He told me, "It's not you, it's me."
And you know what, he's right- It was him, all him. He is the reason we failed and I am okay with that.
I should probably be a little more upset about this, but for the first time last night, I actually got to see how amazing college is.
As soon as he started breaking up with me, I texted Molly and told her what was going on. She was at ClubSCAD so I knew that once she got done she'd run over here...and she did. She came in, Kelsi had no idea what was going on, Molly fell on top of me on the floor and hugged me. I love her. She helped make it all better. I told her what happened, Kelsi made comments--because thats what Kelsi is good at. Kelsi left for some Gamers Guild thing...lamesauce.
So, Molly and I got up on my bed and started looking at flair and bumper stickers on Facebook, we started talking about John and his girl that has a boyfriend that he doesn't care about. UGH! Don't even get me started on that.
After a while, someone comes plowing through my door...it's John. He says, "You okay?" I said, "I'll be fine." He says, "Here, have some chocolate." :D!! I love him. haha. He's awesome. He told me that he was at Erin's [the girl with the boyfriend] and she was on facebook and saw that Shane and I were no longer together so she said, "John is Lynsey okay?" and he was like, "What?" and she said, "Because she and Shane are no longer together!" so he grabbed a handful of chocolate and ran to m room.
It's funny because Kara is in that room and Kara HATES me because I started dating Shane. So now that Kara knows I'm not a threat to her she will hopefull be cool with me. Oh, and shes probably going to go back to stalking Shane. haha! I'm mean for laughing at that but whateverrr.
So, John eventually leaves to go back to Erin's.
My R.A keeps coming in and out of my room making Molly and I laugh our asses off. He only did this because we put a sign on my door saying, "No boys allowed". Twas funny. He asked why boys weren't allowed I told him about Shane, he hugged me- then put the laundry basket BACK on his head and walked out to do his laundry. hahahaha.
Molly and I started talking about high school and about those stupidly pretty girls that no matter what always looked good. Ugh, halfway through that Patricia came in and we started dancing to music and having fun. We took pictures and videos. Then Molly and Patricia decided it was bedtime and they left to go shower and such.
So, I felt lonely again so I put my status on facebook as: Lynsey thinks people should come hang out with her, Tannex 110. 985.789.8579.
So, 5 minutes after I posted that, my phone rings, I answer and have a boys voice saying. "Lynsey, it's Jordan. I'm bored. I'm coming over. I'll call you when I get to Tannex gate." And hung up. I was confused as to which Jordan and everything. A few minutes later theres a knock on my door, its Jordan Skyline King. He comes in and we're sitting on my bed for like 2 minutes max and my phone rings, this is the convo:
Me: "Hello?"
Person: "Hey, uh I live in room 238 and I'm really bored and I saw that your status said that you want people over..."
Me: "Yeah, totally come on over!"
Person: "Alright cool, be there in a second."
His name is Ben Swaney.
He's a guy that I've always seen around and like smile at because I know he lives in my dorm and such and I've always wanted to talk to him. Then BAM! He's there.
He and I have the same taste in music, he's super cool.
Well, we got in a huge conversation about relationships and such. Jordan kept trying to outdo me with his stories, but I totally won. Ben just kinda sat back and added little tidbits, which was totally cool. Jordan kept trying to flirt with me. Which was totally uncalled for. Not only is he too short, he's highly unattractive. So, we all decided we wanted to watch Tenacious D and the pick of Destiny, so we put that on and not even 5 minutes into it, Jordan said he was tired and left. So, Ben and I were sitting on my bed watching this super cool movie. After it was over, he left. It was like almost 3am. Kelsi still wasn't back, so I texted her and fell alseep waiting for a response.
Woke up this morning, she's home and asleep.
Ben wrote on my wall about how much fun he had and blah, blah, blah.
Surprizingly enough, my night did not suck. It should've. But thanks to my friends and random people my night was funfilled and lovely.
So now; I have massive amounts of homework to tend to.
Peace, love, and Jack Black.
He told me, "It's not you, it's me."
And you know what, he's right- It was him, all him. He is the reason we failed and I am okay with that.
I should probably be a little more upset about this, but for the first time last night, I actually got to see how amazing college is.
As soon as he started breaking up with me, I texted Molly and told her what was going on. She was at ClubSCAD so I knew that once she got done she'd run over here...and she did. She came in, Kelsi had no idea what was going on, Molly fell on top of me on the floor and hugged me. I love her. She helped make it all better. I told her what happened, Kelsi made comments--because thats what Kelsi is good at. Kelsi left for some Gamers Guild thing...lamesauce.
So, Molly and I got up on my bed and started looking at flair and bumper stickers on Facebook, we started talking about John and his girl that has a boyfriend that he doesn't care about. UGH! Don't even get me started on that.
After a while, someone comes plowing through my door...it's John. He says, "You okay?" I said, "I'll be fine." He says, "Here, have some chocolate." :D!! I love him. haha. He's awesome. He told me that he was at Erin's [the girl with the boyfriend] and she was on facebook and saw that Shane and I were no longer together so she said, "John is Lynsey okay?" and he was like, "What?" and she said, "Because she and Shane are no longer together!" so he grabbed a handful of chocolate and ran to m room.
It's funny because Kara is in that room and Kara HATES me because I started dating Shane. So now that Kara knows I'm not a threat to her she will hopefull be cool with me. Oh, and shes probably going to go back to stalking Shane. haha! I'm mean for laughing at that but whateverrr.
So, John eventually leaves to go back to Erin's.
My R.A keeps coming in and out of my room making Molly and I laugh our asses off. He only did this because we put a sign on my door saying, "No boys allowed". Twas funny. He asked why boys weren't allowed I told him about Shane, he hugged me- then put the laundry basket BACK on his head and walked out to do his laundry. hahahaha.
Molly and I started talking about high school and about those stupidly pretty girls that no matter what always looked good. Ugh, halfway through that Patricia came in and we started dancing to music and having fun. We took pictures and videos. Then Molly and Patricia decided it was bedtime and they left to go shower and such.
So, I felt lonely again so I put my status on facebook as: Lynsey thinks people should come hang out with her, Tannex 110. 985.789.8579.
So, 5 minutes after I posted that, my phone rings, I answer and have a boys voice saying. "Lynsey, it's Jordan. I'm bored. I'm coming over. I'll call you when I get to Tannex gate." And hung up. I was confused as to which Jordan and everything. A few minutes later theres a knock on my door, its Jordan Skyline King. He comes in and we're sitting on my bed for like 2 minutes max and my phone rings, this is the convo:
Me: "Hello?"
Person: "Hey, uh I live in room 238 and I'm really bored and I saw that your status said that you want people over..."
Me: "Yeah, totally come on over!"
Person: "Alright cool, be there in a second."
His name is Ben Swaney.
He's a guy that I've always seen around and like smile at because I know he lives in my dorm and such and I've always wanted to talk to him. Then BAM! He's there.
He and I have the same taste in music, he's super cool.
Well, we got in a huge conversation about relationships and such. Jordan kept trying to outdo me with his stories, but I totally won. Ben just kinda sat back and added little tidbits, which was totally cool. Jordan kept trying to flirt with me. Which was totally uncalled for. Not only is he too short, he's highly unattractive. So, we all decided we wanted to watch Tenacious D and the pick of Destiny, so we put that on and not even 5 minutes into it, Jordan said he was tired and left. So, Ben and I were sitting on my bed watching this super cool movie. After it was over, he left. It was like almost 3am. Kelsi still wasn't back, so I texted her and fell alseep waiting for a response.
Woke up this morning, she's home and asleep.
Ben wrote on my wall about how much fun he had and blah, blah, blah.
Surprizingly enough, my night did not suck. It should've. But thanks to my friends and random people my night was funfilled and lovely.
So now; I have massive amounts of homework to tend to.
Peace, love, and Jack Black.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.
It has recently come to my attention that I am surrounded by really fucking stupid people. For starters there is Kelsi. This morning, after she wakes me up, watches me go to the bathroom, put my contacts in, and take DAYTIME medicine, she says to me, "Are you going back to sleep?". I respond to her as politely as possible, "I just put my contacts in." Because if I would've said anything else it would've come out as, ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!!!
I'm done.
Just wanted to rant about that.
I'm done.
Just wanted to rant about that.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
This ones a keeper.
I don't know exactly when the last time was that I met someone and thought, "This one is a keeper." But last night, I talked to this guy that I really truly said to myself, I like him- he's a keeper. Not because I was attracted to him, but rather because he and I actually talked. You know, like- really, really talked. I was so tired, but I didn't want to get off of the phone- not because of him but because of the conversation. I wanted to stay on that line as long as possible. But eventually, I caved. I got off and went to sleep. I didn't dream about the boy or the conversation, I just slept. I woke up this morning, didn't think about him till just 5 minutes before I sat at this screen and laid my fingers across the keyboard. He's not beautiful by any means. He just is, and because he is, I say, "This ones a keeper."
As for room mates and boyfriends, neither is a keeper. I know, I know- one of them is going to read this and shit is going to be started but honestly, I don't care. This is college, I don't have to like everyone or please everyone. I am here to learn about the Performing Arts. I am here to get good grades and eventually walk across the stage grab my diploma and walk straight onto the set of some big time movie. Now, whether or not that actually happens or not is totally up to the stars. And George Clooney of course.
haha, what?
Nevermind, no idea where that thought came from.
One more class for the day, then it's time to weekend it up.
Thursday; the Friday of SCAD.
Peace, Love, and Chicken Wings.
As for room mates and boyfriends, neither is a keeper. I know, I know- one of them is going to read this and shit is going to be started but honestly, I don't care. This is college, I don't have to like everyone or please everyone. I am here to learn about the Performing Arts. I am here to get good grades and eventually walk across the stage grab my diploma and walk straight onto the set of some big time movie. Now, whether or not that actually happens or not is totally up to the stars. And George Clooney of course.
haha, what?
Nevermind, no idea where that thought came from.
One more class for the day, then it's time to weekend it up.
Thursday; the Friday of SCAD.
Peace, Love, and Chicken Wings.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
All I need is a Porch.
Back home porches have fans and they are usually screened in. "Why?", you ask. Because people in Louisiana like to sit on their porches all the time. Day, night, evening, midnight, whenever they want. The fans are for comfort the screens are for safety.
All I need is a porch.
In my neighborhood, if you saw someone sitting on their porch it was practically an invite to go talk to them. You didn't talk about you or them, or love or high school. You talked to them about life and issues. About feelings, emotions, and just whatever you wanted. The stars, the sky, ghosts, and aliens- there was no limit.
All I need is a porch.
I remember a time when every night before I went to sleep, I would sneak out, hop the fence, walk around to my front yard and just sit on my porch. I would just sit there and listen to everything. The cars, the animals, the people- everything. But, honestly I couldn't tell you the last time I did that. I've lost that.
All I need is a porch.
When I dated Cuteface- he and I would always climb up on the roof of the garage of his house, and just lay there staring at the stars. We wouldn't need to talk or even touch. Just being there was enough. Who says that when you're with someone you have to speak. There is such a thing as a comfortable silence. With Corey, every silence was comfortable.
All I need is a rooftop.
And yet, all I have is this old hotel room deemed as being my home for the rest of first year.
Tomorrow; I will think.
Tonight; I will cry.
In later years, I will have the most B.A porch ever with a staircase or a ladder to my roof so that I can think whenever I deem necessary.
Peace, Love, and Porches.
All I need is a porch.
In my neighborhood, if you saw someone sitting on their porch it was practically an invite to go talk to them. You didn't talk about you or them, or love or high school. You talked to them about life and issues. About feelings, emotions, and just whatever you wanted. The stars, the sky, ghosts, and aliens- there was no limit.
All I need is a porch.
I remember a time when every night before I went to sleep, I would sneak out, hop the fence, walk around to my front yard and just sit on my porch. I would just sit there and listen to everything. The cars, the animals, the people- everything. But, honestly I couldn't tell you the last time I did that. I've lost that.
All I need is a porch.
When I dated Cuteface- he and I would always climb up on the roof of the garage of his house, and just lay there staring at the stars. We wouldn't need to talk or even touch. Just being there was enough. Who says that when you're with someone you have to speak. There is such a thing as a comfortable silence. With Corey, every silence was comfortable.
All I need is a rooftop.
And yet, all I have is this old hotel room deemed as being my home for the rest of first year.
Tomorrow; I will think.
Tonight; I will cry.
In later years, I will have the most B.A porch ever with a staircase or a ladder to my roof so that I can think whenever I deem necessary.
Peace, Love, and Porches.
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