Met a boy.

His names Cody.

He's pretty.

Met him yesterday.
Through my friend Cade.
Only on myspace though.

I gotta wait to meet him in person.
But so far, he's pretty cool.

That song:

Prom Queen by Lil Wayne makes me happy.
[:

Blahhh.

My shoulders hurt and I'm tired.

But I know that even if I lay down now, I won't fall asleep till at least 2am.

Why?

Because my body hates me.

Ughh.

Just when...

you think everything is fine...someone comes along and mixes everything up.
Just when things are fine with that someone...you fuck things up.


I hate the way life works.
But I'm happy to have one more friend.
I'm fine if Lee and I are never anything because after the way he acted last night, I don't want him to be an important part of my life.
So for now, he's my friend.
And we'll see how long that lasts.

In other news: I will hopefully be taking a trip to Savy in April. With money permitting. [Cross your fingers]
It will most likely be the weekend AFTER Easter. It's cheaper to fly in on a Wednesday and out on a Sunday, so that will probably be the plan.
I'm excited to see all my SCADies again. I miss everyone oh, so much!!

Then, this summer, I plan on going to SC to visit my Molly. We want to go to Myrtle Beach. <3 That'd be SO fun.

For both trips, Jordan plans on meeting up with us.

Oh how I love that boy.
<3
Seriously, I'm pretty sure we are perfect for each other and only distance separates us.
His smile brightens my day.
I love him.

So, that's the plan so far.
Now I just play the waiting game.
2 weeks from now it will be time for Mardi Gras Parades.
I can't freaking wait.
Thennnnnnnn comes work at my new job, SO utterly excited about that.

I plan on working ever night of my life to get as much money as possible.

Also; tomorrow, with the right motivation, will be a cleaning day in many different senses.
Be ready for it.

Why?

Can't people just say what they want and mean it?


Why can't people just be brutally fucking honest instead of trying to make people guess what they are thinking?!!
I am so fucking tired of mind games.

Been writing a lot lately.

Here's a bit of it:

Alabetic Death:
I'm sorry, but when did everything become so big, grown up, and tough?
Was there a point in time or did it all just evolve into this?

I remember a time when our problems were fixed by a band aid and a kiss.
"Mommy, mommy- I scraped my knee!!" Band-aid...kiss...go back out and play.
"Mommy, mommy!!! I got a paper cut!" Band-aid...kiss...find a new way to fold that note.

But now it's like, "Mom...he broke my heart." ...uh, I've got nothing for that...sorry.
"Mom, I failed the biggest test of my life." ...You can still pass the class...
"...I'm pregnant." ...!
"I got a ticket...88 in a 65." ...!!!

All there is, is words now.
Just words.

But if you are anything like those words are just a jumble of letters. Consonants, vowels, syllables, and other literary devices.
They are there so that you can try and feel better but just like hot chocolate on a cold winters day...the warmth eventually fades.

So when did our problems become so big that we can't just slap a band aid on it and call it a day?
I mean hell, half of the time even pigging out on ice cream doesn't make it go away.

But then again...maybe that's our problem.
Maybe ever since we were young we were always taught to run away from our problems...from the pain. Instead of toughing it out we were covering it up and running back to the fun. We were ignoring the hardships.
Maybe that has made us so weak.
We cry over people that once meant something or thought was going to mean something, we imagine this pain in our heads and hearts but really it's nothing.

I don't know where I was going with this, but there is some thoughts for the day...enjoy.
______________________________________

I dunno though, maybe I'm crazy or maybe I'm dreaming but this doesn't feel real anymore.

Pull this porcelain off, let's get down to the nitty gritty now.

Tell me what you want, what your thinking and I'm in it to win it.

I'm not a harp or a mandolin so don't play me like a pretty pop song.


Just get your facts straight, your mind right, and see here dear, I'm no whore.

These thoughts, feelings, emotions pour out more than I'd like to allow.

Beat me down, tear me up, rip me to pieces till I'm even more unfit.

But darling dear, let me scream you this, I'm gonna fight till you're done pulling me along.

____________________________________

Don't want to be another face in the crowd to you.
I want to be the face you look for and hope to see.

/sigh

I'm really starting to get aggravated with how much I feel ignored by him.

Like right now for instance.
He said he wanted me to come.
He said he'd come and get me.
It's an hour since I last talked to him when he was going to eat and I've texted him like 5 times and called him once.

He hasn't responded to any of it.
So I don't know what's going on.

He pretty much ignored me all night at the show.
I feel like shit.

I don't know what he's thinking or what he wants because he never tells me.

I just freaking wish that I could read his mind.

I don't know if I am annoying him.
Or if he's ignoring me.
I don't know anything.

I mean, yes- him driving over here to get me and see me must show that he does like me.
But, that's just not enough for me.
I'm big on affection and shit like that.

I wish he would be more affectionate and loving to me.
That would put my mind to rest.

I remember last week, he called me and texted me all the time.
Now, when I text him it takes him so freaking long to get back to me.

Blahhhhhhhhhh.

I know that he doesn't have to do these things because well, he's not my boyfriend yet. But damn. I could've started talking to Erick...but didn't. Why? Because I didn't want to fuck things up with this guy because I thought that for the first time in a long time I had found a guy that was here to stay.

But now, here I am just lying in bed not knowing whether or not to cry, smile, throw up, or jump up and down.
I'm going fucking insane over this guy.
My emotions are all over the place.
I just need to center myself and find the girl I was last week.
Then maybe things will go back to the way the were last week.

Shoot me?

Better yet, call me.

Just a few predictions...

Lee is gonna bail on tonight's plans.
Chelsea won't be coming on Saturday.
In fact, I have a feeling that neither Chelsea or Amanda will be going.
Which means, I won't be going on Saturday.
Which means Lee will think that I just decided to not go because he bailed on me tonight.

Ugh.
I don't know what to do about this. I can feel this falling apart and I don't know how to hold it all together.

]]:

You picked me.

By: A fine Frenzy.

One, two, three
Counting out the signs we see
The tall buildings
Fading in the distance
Only dots on a map
Four, five, six
The two of us a perfect fit
You're all mine, all mine

And all I can say
Is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah you picked me

So softly
Rain against the windows
And the strong coffee
Warming up my fingers
In this fisherman's house
You got me
Searched the sand
And climbed the tree
And brought me back down

And all I can say
Is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah you picked me










Lee<333333

Wow.

So, I was just sitting here thinking about Lee and the amazingness that he is and this is what came to mind.

I've only known him a week.
And I am so utterly crazy about him.

Wowwwwwwwww.


Pictures of him?
I think so.

Willy Wonka.

Was soooo good!!!


Lee and I had our first little fight thingy. ]]:

Day one.

This morning, I was woken up by my dear Lee.
[:
It was amazinggggg.

He says, "Good Morning Baby! :]"

I love that he calls me baby.
[:
It makes me happy.
[[[[[:
Like that.

nom, nom, nommmm.
Awr. Awr. Awr.
Mwauh!!
:chomp, chomp:

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

3 days of seeing him.
I'm amazed.
He's perfect.

I won't see him Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, MAYBE Thursday.
4 days without him.
]]]:
Friday I think he's gonna come over for dinner with the 'rents.

Saturday I get to go see his show and watch all these teeny boppers fall before him and throw themselves at him. ]]: No me gusta.

Sunday, I'm sure we will hang somewhere, sometime.
[:
He makes me happy.

Nom, nom, nom.

:D
So last night I hung out with Lee and I would just like to start off by saying, wow.
I am highly impressed by this boy.
He's so adorable. And sweet. And sarcastic and mean. But it's all playful and cute. [:

We met at Books-a-Million and walked around looked at books and magazines and such. Then we walked over to the Shell station out in front but didn't find what he wanted to drink. So we walked back to the cars, he decided he was going to drive. So we went to Racetrack and I bought my own drink and made him mad. Haha. He's such a girl.
So then we drove to the lakefront. I showed him my two favorite spots in the world. We talked, flirted, and messed with each other.
He says that I am intimidating.

But to make a long story short...he basically told me his entire life story. Which by the way totally made me all sad and cry-y. ]:
But. Yeah.

I like him. [:

Um...

I totally get to hang out with Lee tonight. :D!!!!


Awhooohoooooo!!
Yay!

Yeah I want'cho body, I need yo body, Long as you got me you won't need nobody.

It's crazy how fate works. Or is it free will?
Ever since David told me to write his paper for English, I've thought a lot about fate and free will. Which is real. Which controls life.
Because okay, let's go with what happened to me tonight.
I went onto Herrington's band page because I wanted to see when their shows are. FREE WILL.
I scrolled down to look at the comments and saw "Better off Dead" so I clicked on it and listened. FREE WILL.
Liked what I heard. FATE.
Added them. FREE WILL.
Commented him. [Because I found out it's really just one guy...Lee] FREE WILL.
Commented back and forth for a while, he told me to add his personal myspace. MY FATE HIS FREE WILL.

So, let's just say that somehow, someway, down the line, we start dating. Does it then become fate that I practicing free will found him? Talked to him?

I guess what I'm asking is does fate exist without free will?
Or when does free will become fate?

Or did I just imagine this connection?

Hm.
Either way here's the links to Herrington and Better off Dead's myspaces [check them out!]::
http://www.myspace.com/idbebetteroffdead
http://www.myspace.com/herrington

Enjoy.

My question to you is this...

What country is Fez from?
Like, for real.


Also, can everyone hear Stewie? Or just sometimes.
I'm confused.


And: How did Fry end up in the future?


Damn TV and it's confusingness.
hmph.

WTF?!

So for like the 4th time this month, I had a dream that I was pregnant.

I don't think that's good.
Or normal.
And I dunno what it symbolizes.
Hm...

Gummy Bears.

Equal Death.


I have eaten entirely too many Gummy Bears.
ughhh.

I feel sick.

Fix me?


Also- Jonathan hasn't talked to me in 4 days. He doesn't get online. He doesn't text me back.
Fuck boys.


Also, this whole quitting cursing thing is SO hard!!

Bumps and Google.

Today was amazing.


Yayy!

Wouldn't it be nice?

So, a while back, someone introduced me to this thing called "Stumble upon" it's basically this button you press and it bring you to a random website that might be of interest to you. You can give it a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Blah, blah, blah.

Well...I am addicted to it and believe me, if you get it, you too will be addicted.
But anyway, today while Stumbling I came across this and began to think of how awesome it would be to find a guy that followed these... or hell, at least half of these. haha.

So, here you go:
31 Things Guys Should Know About Girls

Written by a guy. After years of experience.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relatives and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

--8.5. If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a *****.

--11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms or friends...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne.


28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

31.Don't ever do anything wrong (well not anything). girls remember things for life and anything you did wrong will be used against you in the future.

Still Awake.

Why?
Because of a boy. [SHOCKER!]

His name is Jonathan.
He lives in Dallas.
I'm moving to Dallas soon, sometime before June.
He's amazing.

He's got a cute little Yorkie puppy named Skribble.
He's 22.
His birthday is February 27th.
He's cute.
He's 6'1, brown hair, blue eyes...yep, I'm a goner.
His favorite color is blue.
He loves Mexican and Italian food.
He's a Dr. Pepper boy, but I'll pull him out of it.
We are gonna have Gummy Bear wars when I move to Dallas.
He's got purdy teefhs.


And basically, he is perfect.
He's got the worlds cutest smile.

Blah, blah, blah. You don't care.


This is what I came here to write about...my resolutions!
1. Quit Cursing! [I know, crazy!]
2. No more lying. [Honesty is the best policy, and with Jonathan, I have yet to tell him a lie. (:]
3. Quit planning life and just let it happen!
4. Blog daily!


What are yours?!!

Happy New Year!

Here's some pictures of mine:








Send me yours!!