I'm kind of a big deal.

Yep, you guessed it! It's an Anchorman night! What's up.
So let's see. Where to start?

Oh right, where I left off would be good. So- since I didn't have my I.D I wasn't able to get into the building for my 8am class. So, that makes this my 2nd absence in that class all because the fucking guards wouldn't let me in. GGGGreat.
So, then I had to pay $25 dollars to get a new one. I go in there, and the network goes down. So I leave and come back in 30 minutes. Come back, new lady-- she goes to print my I.D and the printer jams... six times. Just my luck! Well, then, Kelsi and I decide to bike to CVS. We get an assload of stuff, and put most of it on MY bike. So, in Georgia there is a law saying that riding your bike on the sidewalk is prohibited. So we have to ride on the street. Well, there are these like makeshift sidewalks they put up for pedestrians to walk through and not get hit in the construction crap. So, I am riding my bike in between traffic and this sidewalk thing. Well since I have like 50 lbs of crap on my bike, when the cars pass by my bike shakes. Well one car goes by kind of fast and the wind hits the bag and pulls my handlebars into the wall...along with my body. Now, I have like 50 splinters in my leg. Mega sadness.

Okay, so now to the juicy stuff. The stuff that everyone really wants to hear. Especially Ben, who by the way- always seems to be sitting next to me when I go to type about him. Lamesauce. So, last night...well, wait first let me start with the fact that he and I both initially said that we didn't want to get into anything serious. He and Courtney just broke up- Shane and I just broke up. Well, apparently we both lied to each other because last night he and I were laying on the bed just talking...then before I knew it, we were cuddling- then, yes you guessed it, we kissed. That's right, we kissed.

I'm sorry- I don't think you understand what I just said. He and I kissed. Do you know what that means? It means that my heartbeat sped up, my stomach did backflips, my mind drew a blank, my plams got sweaty, and my cheeks turned red. It's funny, I didn't react like that with Shane, Chase, Brandon, or Lawson even. Last time I remember doing that was...wow, with Jeff. Which scares me, majorly. Also, last night he started comparing me to some of his exes and I hate that so I asked him to stop. Then, today in my mind I started comparing him to everyone. Then, I landed on Jeff. On how their hair is the same, their lips are similar, their skin tone is the same, and oh god that feeling I get is the same. Ben smokes, Jeff smoked. Kissing Ben just now after he came back in from smoking sent my mind into a frenzie. It was so fimilar. Part of me wants to stay away from Ben because of this, the other part makes me want to be near him even more.
But, as previously stated- this is all him. His decision how everything turns out. I refuse to take the wheel in this. Which, even further scares me. Because, what if I am too far in this- what if he isn't. What if...oh god. Screw the what if's, I would be here all night with those.

Personally, I just want to be in his arms with my head burried in his chest listening to his heartbeat. Even if while he's laying there he's thinking of someone else, somewhere else I'd be pleased to just be the one he is with at the moment.
For real though, he is so amazing. He shouldn't be. He can't be. I won't let him. Oh my.

So, now; I will continue to lay in my bed next to the boy who for god knows how long my thoughts and dreams will be about. Yay.

Goodnight.

Peace, love and FUCKING RON BURGANDY!!!