Met a boy.

His names Cody.

He's pretty.

Met him yesterday.
Through my friend Cade.
Only on myspace though.

I gotta wait to meet him in person.
But so far, he's pretty cool.

That song:

Prom Queen by Lil Wayne makes me happy.
[:

Blahhh.

My shoulders hurt and I'm tired.

But I know that even if I lay down now, I won't fall asleep till at least 2am.

Why?

Because my body hates me.

Ughh.

Just when...

you think everything is fine...someone comes along and mixes everything up.
Just when things are fine with that someone...you fuck things up.


I hate the way life works.
But I'm happy to have one more friend.
I'm fine if Lee and I are never anything because after the way he acted last night, I don't want him to be an important part of my life.
So for now, he's my friend.
And we'll see how long that lasts.

In other news: I will hopefully be taking a trip to Savy in April. With money permitting. [Cross your fingers]
It will most likely be the weekend AFTER Easter. It's cheaper to fly in on a Wednesday and out on a Sunday, so that will probably be the plan.
I'm excited to see all my SCADies again. I miss everyone oh, so much!!

Then, this summer, I plan on going to SC to visit my Molly. We want to go to Myrtle Beach. <3 That'd be SO fun.

For both trips, Jordan plans on meeting up with us.

Oh how I love that boy.
<3
Seriously, I'm pretty sure we are perfect for each other and only distance separates us.
His smile brightens my day.
I love him.

So, that's the plan so far.
Now I just play the waiting game.
2 weeks from now it will be time for Mardi Gras Parades.
I can't freaking wait.
Thennnnnnnn comes work at my new job, SO utterly excited about that.

I plan on working ever night of my life to get as much money as possible.

Also; tomorrow, with the right motivation, will be a cleaning day in many different senses.
Be ready for it.

Why?

Can't people just say what they want and mean it?


Why can't people just be brutally fucking honest instead of trying to make people guess what they are thinking?!!
I am so fucking tired of mind games.

Been writing a lot lately.

Here's a bit of it:

Alabetic Death:
I'm sorry, but when did everything become so big, grown up, and tough?
Was there a point in time or did it all just evolve into this?

I remember a time when our problems were fixed by a band aid and a kiss.
"Mommy, mommy- I scraped my knee!!" Band-aid...kiss...go back out and play.
"Mommy, mommy!!! I got a paper cut!" Band-aid...kiss...find a new way to fold that note.

But now it's like, "Mom...he broke my heart." ...uh, I've got nothing for that...sorry.
"Mom, I failed the biggest test of my life." ...You can still pass the class...
"...I'm pregnant." ...!
"I got a ticket...88 in a 65." ...!!!

All there is, is words now.
Just words.

But if you are anything like those words are just a jumble of letters. Consonants, vowels, syllables, and other literary devices.
They are there so that you can try and feel better but just like hot chocolate on a cold winters day...the warmth eventually fades.

So when did our problems become so big that we can't just slap a band aid on it and call it a day?
I mean hell, half of the time even pigging out on ice cream doesn't make it go away.

But then again...maybe that's our problem.
Maybe ever since we were young we were always taught to run away from our problems...from the pain. Instead of toughing it out we were covering it up and running back to the fun. We were ignoring the hardships.
Maybe that has made us so weak.
We cry over people that once meant something or thought was going to mean something, we imagine this pain in our heads and hearts but really it's nothing.

I don't know where I was going with this, but there is some thoughts for the day...enjoy.
______________________________________

I dunno though, maybe I'm crazy or maybe I'm dreaming but this doesn't feel real anymore.

Pull this porcelain off, let's get down to the nitty gritty now.

Tell me what you want, what your thinking and I'm in it to win it.

I'm not a harp or a mandolin so don't play me like a pretty pop song.


Just get your facts straight, your mind right, and see here dear, I'm no whore.

These thoughts, feelings, emotions pour out more than I'd like to allow.

Beat me down, tear me up, rip me to pieces till I'm even more unfit.

But darling dear, let me scream you this, I'm gonna fight till you're done pulling me along.

____________________________________

Don't want to be another face in the crowd to you.
I want to be the face you look for and hope to see.

/sigh

I'm really starting to get aggravated with how much I feel ignored by him.

Like right now for instance.
He said he wanted me to come.
He said he'd come and get me.
It's an hour since I last talked to him when he was going to eat and I've texted him like 5 times and called him once.

He hasn't responded to any of it.
So I don't know what's going on.

He pretty much ignored me all night at the show.
I feel like shit.

I don't know what he's thinking or what he wants because he never tells me.

I just freaking wish that I could read his mind.

I don't know if I am annoying him.
Or if he's ignoring me.
I don't know anything.

I mean, yes- him driving over here to get me and see me must show that he does like me.
But, that's just not enough for me.
I'm big on affection and shit like that.

I wish he would be more affectionate and loving to me.
That would put my mind to rest.

I remember last week, he called me and texted me all the time.
Now, when I text him it takes him so freaking long to get back to me.

Blahhhhhhhhhh.

I know that he doesn't have to do these things because well, he's not my boyfriend yet. But damn. I could've started talking to Erick...but didn't. Why? Because I didn't want to fuck things up with this guy because I thought that for the first time in a long time I had found a guy that was here to stay.

But now, here I am just lying in bed not knowing whether or not to cry, smile, throw up, or jump up and down.
I'm going fucking insane over this guy.
My emotions are all over the place.
I just need to center myself and find the girl I was last week.
Then maybe things will go back to the way the were last week.

Shoot me?

Better yet, call me.