Distance keeps us apart...

...but you are breathing in my heart.

Lyrics by Knoxville: Fireworks

I find it rather amazing that since I've been here I have found loads upon loads of new music just floating around. It makes me quite happy. For example, this band Knoxville. But I didn't come here today to write to you about music. I'm here because of Richard.

For Starters, I should put a picture or two of him up. Since I'm sure you'd all like to know what he looks like.Cute, huh? I know, I know.
So, for the past couple of days, reaching Richard has been hella hard. Like, normally, I text him and he texts me back, if he's at work it takes him MAYBE 5 minutes to text back. But for the past couple of days, "his phone keeps dying", or "he misplaced his phone". And yes, these things do happen but for some reason they happen at bad points and end up making my head spin and my thoughts and paranoia go crazy!
So, I had a bad night on Friday due to the Masquerade ball and my best friend and ex boyfriend sucking face. So, I called him. He said he'd call me back. Never did. I texted him like 8 times. Never got a reply. So I texted him Saturday, over and over. Never got a reply. Finally, I called him. He was on his way to the races so we talked for like 5 seconds then I let him go so he could hang with his friends and such and he said he'd text me when he got out. So, I waited around for a long, long, time. It was like 7:45 here, 6:45 there, and he'd been there since like 12 or 1. So, I had been thinking a lot during this time which was bad, really bad. Because it was at this point that I texted him, "Just letting you know that I'm going to stop talking to you. I feel like I'm heading straight for heartbreak and I can't deal with that, Sorry." then like 20 minutes later I sent, "I probably didn't mean that. I'm just going crazy right now. I really need to talk to you."
Then I called him, his phone was off. So, I waited around till like 11:30 and texted him, "Are we going to get to talk tonight?" Then at 2:45 I sent, "So are you no longer talking to me?" Then at 3:23 I sent, "I really need to talk to you. Please talk to me." So, after I sent that- I somehow ended up at my friend Gerald's Friends room with Gerald and his friend Shannon. They are both from New Orleans and went to St. Aug together. Well, as I'm sitting in Shannon's bed I realize my phone isn't getting any service, so I move a bit and my phone goes off and says I have a new voice message. So I call it, it's Richard and it says, "Baby, I'm sorry. I need you to call me. Please baby."

Now, he sent the message at like 4:30 and I called him at like 5:15. And he was still awake and he says to me, "Okay, don't freak out- just listen for a second." Which made my heart sink to my stomach. Now, I will narrate my thoughts along with his words and my words.

"Okay, go for it." Shit, shit, shit.
"I got in a wreck." WHAT?!!!!
"But, I am alright. We hit a curb, both of my front tires are blown. I think I broke my hand."
"YOU DID WHAT?!!!" [Then I ran out of the room because I couldn't really hear Richard.]
"I probably didn't it just feels like it."
"Well, what did you do? Are you okay?" OMG. OMG. OMG.
"I'm fine. I just punched my car I was pissed." Oh shit, at me? At what I sent? AHHH!
"At what baby? What happened?"

CALL DROPPED

So, I run into the room, grab my shoes and tell the boys I gotta go because Richard is hurt. So I call him back as I am walking back to my dorm.
"Why did you punch the car?"
"I was just having a bad night."
"I'm sorry, what happened?"
"First, I could find my fucking car. Then I read the messages you sent me and I felt so bad for not being able to talk to you, which is partly why we wrecked. I was kinda really pissed and upset and shouldn't have been driving." FUCK.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. You don't really want to stop talking to me do you?"
"No baby. I sent you a myspace message explaining it."

Here's the messgae:
[I don't know what I did to make you not talk to me, but whatever it was, was obviously a big mistake. Richard, you're the only thing good in my life right now. Not being able to talk to you is putting so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions inside of me. It's scary that you're not even mine and I'm already making myself sick thinking of loosing you. I have too many feelings for me. Too much, too soon. That frightens me. I'm trying not to pull away from you because that's generally what I do. I pull away from guys that I have major feelings for because I don't want to get hurt. But, somehow, I managed to push you away. That's the last thing I wanted. If anything, I want you here, in my arms, always. With the way things look now, I may not be able to continue studying at SCAD. Which means, I'll most likely be home permanently soon. The thought of that makes me want to throw up. I don't want that, at all. But the best part is. I'll be closer to you. I'm letting you know right now, that I want you in my life if not forever than for a very long time. I will do everything in my power to see that, that happens. Unless you wish to be removed from it. Even if all you ever are is a friend.

Please just talk to me.
These are only a few of my thoughts.
I don't want to be without you.]

So, then he proceeds to tell me, that not only is one hand "broken" but the other is bleeding.
"BLEEDING?!!! How? Baby, what did you do?"
"There was like shards of glass because of...I don't know baby. I'm fine."
But what he forgot to tell me, and what I heard him and his friends talking about later, is that he got so pissed when he was trying to change the tires and it wasn't working- he threw the car jack through his front windsheild.




That's enough of that. So, I listened to him talk to his friends about everything then, I listened to him tell me how much he doesn't want to loose me. Which was amazing because he never does that in earshot of his friends. :)
Then he got to his friends house where he's staying, [not sure if y'all knew that he got kicked out of his mom's place a while back, but he did, now he house jumps in his group of friends.] So when he gets there, he gets all ready for bed and everything and we talk for a bit, about how different things would be if distance didn't keep us apart. Then, I made him go to sleep because he had a long day. I made him promise that he'd call me today. So- we'll see.


On a different note, 18 days till my birthday!
Oh and be-te-dubs: Going to see Cobra Starship, Hit the Lights, Forever the Sickest Kids, and Sing it Loud on my birthday in ATL. :D!!!
SO EXCITED!
I'm pretty sure John is coming with us, which means he will probably drive his car. If he doesn't come, Molly will and I will drive John's car. Kara and Yolisa are coming with considering that they live in ATL and we are gonna stay at Kara's house. I'm pretty excited to be given this opportunity. Kara and Yolisa are hella cool and it's gonna be fun to get to know them better and such. Can't wait!!

That is all.

Peace, love, and I shouldn't have stayed up till 6am.